Time to learn?!?!

As the leaves change and people being to think of Back to School.

I had a bit of an odd question today. A family member asked is Bobo was excited to get to start learning. I was momentarily confused and thrown off. You see Bobo starts kindergarten this year, but seeing as we homeschool it’s not like he is off on some major adventure. ¬†Sure this year there will be a few new books for him, but he got those last year. Sure he will be in a few different classes but he attended some last year as well. Really I think the only difference is he will be in Beavers this year and maybe 1-2 other classes that he wasn’t old enough for last year. ¬†The the extra funding and reporting for me which really isn’t something that will be noticed by him.

So it go me thinking a bit. How many other people think that learning starts once they enter into formal schooling. Not that anything we do is really formal, but that aside. Bobo has been learning since he was born just like everyone else. Now he is a bit more methodical than his older brother. He likes activities that he sits and quietly focuses on a task. He like to write, read and play with lego. He is a thinker, he likes to process the world going on around him. Lets be honest he is really pretty much done with the requirements of kindergarten in the province, Bug saw to that over the last year.

Bobo will continue life as pretty much the same he will talk to our Learning Consultant over the year and tell her about the things he does. He will play and enjoy life. Sure we will read and he might just start doing it more himself but I’m not worried. See I know he is learning I know there is no start or end time to the wonders of his little brain. He is still be just who he is, my sweet, quirky, opinionated little guy. He’ll learn and what he doesn’t learn today he will learn tomorrow.

Dealing with exclusion

You know what sometimes homeschooling really does have it’s setbacks. The long days when you aren’t feeling well, and dealing with friendships. See when you are sticking your children with other kids all day five days a week they will generally form a bond with one another. It is different when homeschooling, they don’t see the same kids everyday. It depends on the activity and where you are as to who there is to interact with. I strive very hard most days to get the boys out and about. They are very social kids and they have no qualms with playing with anyone else.

The problem is trying to help create that bond. Most people search for the solid friendship with another human being. Most people look for their best friend. Sure in the younger years your best friend may only last a few weeks, but it is an important relationship building experience.

Now I live where there are apparently lots of kids but you don’t see them. Any of them, seriously. I can throw rocks at an elementary school from my front door and except for morning and after school I really don’t see other children. Sure when we go over to the park there may be one or two but there isn’t a ton. I have tried connecting with other families in the homeschooling. It seems that connecting is hard and limited. At least for us. The strange thing is we have a very fluid schedule. It feels like others just don’t want to connect with us. ūüė¶

It is hard knowing that you are being excluded. It is even harder knowing that your child is being excluded. When that sweet smiling face looks at you wanting to know if they can go play with the other child and you have to tell them that they are busy. Then they hear at the next group gathering how they ¬†were playing with another child. Then he looks at you with his loving kind blue eyes and asks why don’t they want to be his friend and play with him anymore. I have to smile back at him and tell him that I have no idea. I really don’t.

Some people think that homeschooling you will be free of bullying and peer exclusion. They are wrong. You can limit it, but it can almost be worse. Not only is another child excluding your child, but their parents are actively facilitating it. It sucks, it really does.

As a victim of excessive bullying, I strive to teach my children to be kind to others. It pains me when he doesn’t understand why others are unkind. It just doesn’t come to him, he wants to play with everyone. I guess I just live in a slightly different world from those around me.

Have you had to deal with your child being intentional excluded? How did you deal with it?

Works well with others………

What does it mean to work well with others? Seriously? Everyone put it on their resume and it is such a token comment in any interview. It is something that children are graded on in school even. I’m looking at the world and wondering what does it really mean “works well with others”?

Honestly in my¬†opinion¬†the expectations of today’s¬†society¬†there is a major change in the wording needed, to explain what is expected. Works well for¬†others! This is what is really wanted in most situations. Some one who is compliant and does what they are told with no resistance. This makes me sad, especially for children. Adults have more choice in the matter. If they don’t like the¬†situation¬†they are allowed to change it, children not so much.

Now when I think of a good team¬†scenario¬†I think of people who compliment each other, all having different strengths and weaknesses and¬†corroborating together. This far too often isn’t what really happens in many situations, sure in some but really in most it isn’t. You have your boss and they tell you what to do.

I personally find it more and more that “works well with others” really is meaning I listen well and do as I’m told. Very rarely are people wanting someone with drive and ambition, who are wanting to move forwards and makes changes where they need to be made. What is wanted is someone who will put their head down and work,¬†won’t¬†cause¬†confrontation or problems. Just simply do as wanted.

Is that who you want your child to be? Is that who you want to be? If you do then great, but I don’t. I want to work with¬†others. I want to be free to make choices and¬†decisions¬† I would like people to be open to new ideas, not just what¬†corporate¬†wants. I do not want to be a drone and I don’t want my children to be forced into becoming one. I want them to love life and enjoy.

Raising them up

I saw this on Facebook today and it made me think

Who are our children becoming? Are we concerned about the children and the stewards they are going to be? I know I am but are you?
Now a days we can’t seem to do anything right as a parent. It sucks. ¬†There are how to books for you to learn how to be a better parent. There is the older generations who have their ideas and they just aren’t allowed any more.¬†
“Yes Grandma I know you were spanks and switched and you learned your lesson, but if I even thought about it for too long Little Timmy would be taken away and put into foster care.”
Now I’m not supporting spanking or¬†violence¬†but things are different then they were back then. ¬†So often the older generations idea would end up getting us into a lot of trouble for even considering it, never mind actually acting on it. With the abuse rates so high and getting higher hitting is not something to be joked about. There are times though where I have either had my child or seen another child and thought ” Man that kid need a swift kick in the butt.”¬†
So with Grandma and Grandpa’s parenting techniques nixed, on to the self help books. THERE ARE SO MANY! Once again they cover a range from forcing children to cry and become¬†independent¬†to¬†completely¬†coddling or letting the child run wild with freedom. ¬†There seems to be no base line and any kook can write a parenting book and get published these days it seems.¬†
So what do you do. well I think you need to figure out what you want for your child and go from there. Do you want someone who is scared of you and will always do your biddings? Do you want a child who is rude and demanding and treat others like crap? Do you want want some one who is kind?
Who you want to see your child as is who you need to parent them to be. If you see that your child is going in the¬†opposite¬†direction of the behaviour and attitude you want then maybe you need to change your parenting. You can still be a loving and kind parent with rules and boundaires. You don’t have to hit your child¬†because¬†they are wayward. You do though have to think about who you are leaving in this world. It is our job as parents to rasie respectable human beings and honestly there are a lot of us failing. We as parents need to step up and think about it a bit further.
We have children to raise them. We can raise them up to be good people or we can not. It really is up to our parenting to whom we leave this world to when we are gone.

Check out

So I hope by now it is pretty apparent that we are all a little different. Now two people are exactly the same. Also no two parents deal with their children the same way. Everyone has their little grievances that grate their nerves a bit more. But that is okay!

As long as your child is happy and thriving, people should support you, right!?!?!?! WRONG

People judge, they are all Judgey McJudgersons. It’s true, it a fact. The internet is full of them the blogging world is full of them. You can’t do much with out some one judging you. You can’t look at your phone at the park. You can’t just take a “me” day and let the kids watch TV and eat junk all day. You even can’t be the most doting parent who preps every meal in cute shapes and spends every waking moment playing and engaging with their child.

I have been judged for a lot of things. Sometimes things I do or don’t do. The nature of it is it sucks. In this world sometimes I feel like I’ll never be enough. I can’t do it all. I don’t even want to do it all. I love my kids but yes some days I’ll lock myself in the bathroom to have a moments peace. That doesn’t even work because they on right on the other side of the door. Some days my hubby gets home and all I can think about is leaving the house with out the tiny beasts. Does it make me love them any less? No, it quite simply means I know my limits. I don’t spend every waking moment with my best friend for days on end without needing a me break. With out phasing out and checking my phone to see what is going on or if I have e-mail. Some times we just need space.

So I would love to say stop judging me, but you wont. Honestly I’ll judge you too! If you know I see you doing something that I think is totally awful and horrible. Like totally helicoptering over your poor child who just wants to play. But hey we are all human, at least I think we all all, unless you are a cyborg. If you are that is cool too! Can we just show a little bit of love.

While ¬†yes it would be awesome to be able to do something without being climbed over, but you know what my kids love me and they know I am hear for them so if it takes, you know, an hour to write a small post. It happens. Yes I get¬†annoyed¬†sometimes and completely pissed off other days. I’m a mom who spends many of her waking hours with small ¬†people ¬†who can be very demanding and in my face ALL THE TIME. They are only young for a bit and some day I thank God for that. Other days I wish they would stay little for a bit longer¬†because¬†they are growing up too fast.

I love my kids and some days  in order to love them better. I need to check out!

Do you check out? You know you do, it’s okay to admit it!

Call to Moms of Boys!!!!

We need to help our boys!
We need to have our boys know that they are good human beings!

With all the news of rape this past few days it is¬†appalling¬†the rape culture we live in. The confusion between what is and isn’t consent. The lack of respect for another person just is wrong.

As mothers of boys we have a responsibility to raise up boys that quash this stereo type. We have to talk to our boys. We need to love them and we need to show them how to love others. We need to teach them about respect for them selves and others. We have to tell them that they are responsible for their actions, right from an early age.

It more then teaching them about sex and that when a girl says no to stop. It is so much more than that. The respect needs to start before. It is not just about saying no or yes it is about the respect that is mutually there before sex even come up.

We have a stigma that needs to be changed and it needs to change with the boys. For years we have been attacking girls telling them that they must act differently, dress differently, just be different so they didn’t lure our men into situations where they would rape them. Yes things need to change, but how about giving our men some control and telling them that they are responsible. I don’t know of a woman who gets dressed in the morning with the thought of ” This is so going to get me raped, this is what I am going to wear today!”

Accountability needs to be on both parties some times¬†but really there needs to be a really big change on the male half. They need to know that no matter how much money they spend how much they are attracted to her, there is never NEVER EVER an excuse to take something that does not belong to you. Just to also clarify, since we don’t have slavery, she doesn’t belong to you!

Moms we need to help our boys. They are going into a¬†world¬†where in general it is believed that all men are potential rapists. How are we going to hep them? We can start by opening the conversation NOW! Talk to them about what is going on. It is a reality and you can’t hide it. If you don’t talk, someone else will and it wont always be the message you want. We need to encourage them to stand up for injustices, we need need to let them know that being a good person is good. We need to stop putting our head in the sand and thinking that it will never happen. We need to respect and love our sons enough to talk to them about this. They need to learn about sex and what is really is. We need to change this rape culture so that women can stop living in fear and men can been seen as respectable individuals.

Now I am going to have to put it out there that yes I am aware that rape goes both ways but the stats are far against the men. The discussion should be with both girls and boys, but as a mom of boys I am very passionate about working to change this world where you can effect change. I can effect change with my sons. I encourage you to do the same with your children. You will each have your own set of values and morals that works for your family. I would prefer to teach my children to wait till they can see themselves being with some that they would want to raise a family with. Everyone is different and will raise their children with their own values, but the conversation needs to start.

Sex should not be hidden away in the family setting, children should know that they can come with questions. They should have a safe¬†environment¬†to talk in, where they know they will get honest answers. If you don’t talk they will seek out the answers, through peers and the internet. Children are resourceful they will find the answers but will they be the answers you want them to find?

Have you opened the discussion in your home?

Mamavation Monday ~~~~ When they just wont eat

Do you have a picky eater in your home? 
How do you manage healthy meals with picky eaters in the home?

You know what I don’t have this trouble but I have friends who do. I feel at a loss when their kids are over and they wont eat what I feed them. Nothing really edges me off as much as a kid who sticks their nose up at good healthy food. When they start making gross noises and complaining about what they are being served, I can’t help but think of the kids out there who would love to even eat today.
I try to be very understanding with kids who have sensitivities  Ones who have texture issues or allergies. Though kids who just down right refused can really frustrate me. I try to remain somewhat level headed. There are times where I fail, just like any other person. I put a lot of effort into the food I create.
I do though have a few tricks for getting my boys to eat new things.
By now most people have heard about the Deceptively Delicious Cookbook. It is all about getting the nutrients into the kids who down right refuse to eat anything that is unprocessed. This can be a good tool to keep the nutrients in their diets.  How can you change the attitude towards healthy options?

My answer is super simple. Don’t offer the unhealthy ones anymore. Don’t even let them be an option. Yes it may suck for you as an adult that you now no longer have some yummy things in your house. Still having treats once in awhile is good. But take away whatever they are¬†substituting¬†for real food! Also keep offering keep the veggies on their plates. Let them see YOU eating them and enjoying them. Encourage them to try them at every single meal. They don’t have to like it but they do have to try it. It sounds harsh to some people, but it is a fact that for some thing¬†you¬†have to try something at least 3 and up to 15 times to¬†develop¬†a taste.

For people with babies start you babies on veggies as soon as they are ready for real food around 6-9 month feed you child real food. ( monitored of course ) If you look at new feeding suggestions by many national health groups you will see what I am talking about.
For children who do not have special needs, sometimes tough love is needed. There is always food¬†available¬† don’t like it don’t eat it. I don’t make special dinners for those who choose to not eat. I do listen to the¬†children¬† and if they¬†truly¬†don’t like it then I wont make it again. This is dinner and if you follow me on instagram you will see the yummy things I cook.

Food is important, it is the fuel your body uses. It is the only body you have and will ever have! Think about it!

‚ÄúThis post is sponsored by¬†Roni Noone¬†and Mamavation ‚Äď a community dedicated to¬†obesity prevention¬†&¬†weight loss for women¬†and I‚Äôm writing this to be entered into a giveaway‚ÄĚ

Taming the Toddler Temper Tantrum

Have you ever been so full of emotion that you have no idea what to do? Have you ever felt so completely helpless like nothing you do is ever right? Have you ever wanted something that you are just not allowed to have and you have no idea why?

Life can be a very difficult thing to live. Nothing seems fair, there are rules and rules for rules. Sometime you never find out about the rules until you have broken them. People have expectations that many times seem way beyond you reach. You just want to enjoy life, you just want to have a little fun, you just really want what that other person has!

Welcome to life as toddler. You have a ton of things going on in your world that sometimes they can be overwhelming. You are often not allowed to do something that you want to. “NO” in many cases is a word you hear usually more then your own name. Life is hard, you can walk now and get to so many places but everything is challenging and new. You want to climb and explore, you want to see what all is in those mysterious cupboard that mommy always opens. That toys, you want to know why that kids likes it so much, so you take it.

But so very often you are not allowed to do. People yell words at you like ” NO”,”not yours!”, “danger”, “owie” and many other such things that are supposed to stop you in the act. Often though the lure of what you are trying to do is much more powerful then the desire to listen to the big people. Sometimes you just want to do what you want to do. You are tried of being stopped and you want to see just what are they going to do about it? Sure they are bigger but how are they really going to stop you?

Now that is the big question. How are you going to stop this little person and what are you going to do about the temper tantrum that follows?

That is the dilemma of every parent, dealing with a child who has does something wrong, or at least what we are seeing as wrong. What do you really do though? You know forcing them to stop will likely start the temper tantrum, but leaving them might not be an option.

First thing first you have to figure out if this is really as big of an issue as you are making of it. You need to tame your temper tantrum first. That knee jerk reaction where you just want to yell and pull the child quickly away is most¬†likely¬†an adult temper tantrum. You are angry about something. If you want your child to learn to control their emotions you need to lead by example. This is¬†challenging¬†and we all mess up but that is why it is a learning experience, don’t be to proud to say you are sorry for your reactions.

Now that you have dealt with your personal reaction what are you going to do about the child. First you need to gauge whether or not this is a danger that must be stopped immediately or could this be spun and turned into a learning experience? Could you leave this allowing your child to feel empowered?

If it is dangerous clearly you are going to need to remove your child from the situation. Climbing something that could fall and seriously hurt them. Running into traffic, trying to insert themselves into the hot oven or even helping with the dishes by grabbing the biggest knife possible. BUT freaking out and yelling and jumping up and down or hitting the child is not going to help them learn. You need to remain calm. Big reactions get big responses. A big response is not going to stop or prevent a temper tantrum and help the child to learn what the problem is.

Now some people will argue that a sharp shout or a quick swat, teaches kids that that is dangerous and scary. Sure it could be the likeliness is they are going to learn that when they do that YOU are now scary. I would like to hope that your desire as a parent is not to frighten your child into submission. If it is I feel very sad for your child.

But what do you do, what can you do?  First you can talk to your child. Simple and concisely, tell them exactly what the problem is. Not a five minute lecture, with small children you have 10-30 seconds to get their attention or they will find something else that will interest them.

Now with young child you may feel like you are talking till you are blue in the face. If you feel like that you are talking to much. Simple short statements. ” Not yours” “gentle touches” ” put it back” Short simple instructions can help save your¬†sanity.

Now sometimes the child simply wont listen to you. We run into this a lot in the toddler years. This little person will stare you down almost challenging you to make them. Now what? I like to use counting. I explain to them that I will count to 5 and if they have not done what I have asked I will help them get it done. The trick is to remain calm, don’t¬†frighten¬†your child into do what they need to do. If by the time I reach 5 if it has been done I take the child¬†gently¬†and fulfill the request. their hands will do the work but I will be a guide to get it done. I try not to yell or freak out. ¬†It is not always easy but it can be much more effective if I’m not over reacting to what they are doing.

Now when goes from defiance to a full on melt down, I work at being present for my children most of the time when they are feeling big emotions. They  may needs to scream kick and yell but I will usually be there for them. I will though not allow them to hurt me. If their anger is being physical towards me I will simply state the their action is hurting me and move away. If they move to continue I will move myself away and if need be separate  There is no shame in an adult time out. If you are feeling the need to lash out and hurt your child you need to remove yourself. Still remember to talk to your child and let them know what you are doing. Tell them that they are hurting you and you need a few moments away from them. They will likley follow you, as they are needing a connection from you, but boundaries do need to be set. Which is why I suggest telling them what you are doing. * now please not this may not be available to you if you are out, but find some way that you can give yourself a calm down mode. Even if it mean abandoning your half full cart in the middle of shopping. going to your car and placing the child inside and you outside maybe be what you need to do*

Try to remember to avoid common trigger, hunger and sleepiness. with keeping these needs addressed you can avoid many many melt downs.

Love is important, love is not conditional on good¬†behavior. Love should always be 100%¬†unconditional¬† The statement. ” I love you but….” should be wiped from your vocabulary. There should never be a condition on the love you have for your child. Your child does not rule you, nor do you rule your child. You are equals but you are given the¬†privilege¬†of rearing this individual. You are a guide in a big scary world, you are supposed to be the safe place that they can return to when the world rears it’s big ugly head.

Toddler temper¬†tantrums¬†are not fun for anyone. They are a big giant over load of¬†information¬†into a little brain that doesn’t know how to process them. We have the same feeling as¬†adults¬†but many of us have been given the tools to learn how to deal with the big stuff. Look at the tantrum as a teaching¬†moment. While it may be driving you crazy, and you just want them to listen to you, remember they are still young. They don’t come programmed, you have to teach¬†inspire¬†and guide your child.