The Modesty Issue. Is it a state of mind?

Modesty is always a hot topic. People have some very different views about what is considered appropriate or not. The thing is, it tends to cause more blasting and lashing out at others than it really should. People of all different cultures wear different clothing. What is considered modest to one person is over dressed or even underdressed to another.

When I hear about modesty this comic often comes to mind. I have no idea where it originated so it you know please let me know so I can credit the source. 
Really when it comes to modesty I don’t think it is all about the clothes you are wearing but the attitude you have about yourself. Do you behave and think modestly? I think you can be wearing any amount of clothes but your actions and behaviour depict your modesty. If you put on an outfit with the thoughts in mind of attracting sexual attention and engaging in immodest behaviours. Then you are not going to exactly but putting out modest thoughts.
Modesty I think can also be about your comfort levels. If you are wearing something where you are feeling uncomfortable where you feel exposed then that is what people will see. 
The way you think and act is often a direct reflection in how you will be treated. Now yes there are always extenuating circumstances that change things but it s a pretty close correlation. 
Now when I talk to people about this often I get asked if I think that then girls are “asking for it?” Simple answer is not always. Now that can get a bit of a blasting but it goes back to the thought of your thoughts matter. Are you sending invitations? Are you behaving in a sexual manner or are you behaving in a modest tone? 
No I do not think that just because the thoughts and actions are towards one another are sexual in nature that there shouldn’t be respect. Any behaviours should always be consensual. AT ALL TIMES. That is non negotiable. and  should always be in a sober manner. 
Both men and women need to move towards more modest behaviors I think. I think our children are too sexual in this day and age. I think our media is far to sexual and lacks a general respect to others. Now I’m not saying we all need to wear big baggy clothing that covers everything. But your clothing and your actions should reflect how you want to be treated.
We need to start blurring the lines. It will be better for everyone if the line and boundaries that go with it can be easily seen and respected.

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Calorie- smalorie

Who hate counting calories? I know I do. So what do I do about, well I simply don’t count.

I know it’s crazy right. How can you possibly be trying to lose that last bit of baby weight and get into shape if you don’t count calories or points. How to I work towards my desired weight? Well I make smart choices. I eat whole real food. I’ll be honest I tried to count calories for or about 6 days. Drove me crazy. I don’t eat much for pre packaged food so I would have to input my entire recipes with quantities , ugh and figure out servings and all the stuff. I like cooking, not figuring stuff like that out. So I stopped, really was sucking the joy out of cooking for me.

I don’t have anything agaisnt people who do calorie count. It is something that I just can’t figure out.

Now I do fully acknowledge calories on processed foods. I can see the calories on the package, that I understand. When I go out or have a packaged snack I keep in check those calories. Mainly because I do not have full control of what is in the products. I like to know what is in my food and because I can’t dissect everything and ingredient lists don’t always appear fully forth coming with big fancy words that hide different things.

I also don’t fully understand how you get your calories burned unless you are on a tread mill and have it monitoring for you. I understand that you need to record your heart rate and all that but another fancy tool that I just don’t have the time or the money for.

I prefer really to keep it simple. what what I eat, keep it whole food high in nutritional value. keep processed foods low. And keep your body moving, find exercise in everything thing you can do. Keep pushing and keep moving.

Do you count your calories? If you do how do you do it?

Call to Moms of Boys!!!!

We need to help our boys!
We need to have our boys know that they are good human beings!

With all the news of rape this past few days it is appalling the rape culture we live in. The confusion between what is and isn’t consent. The lack of respect for another person just is wrong.

As mothers of boys we have a responsibility to raise up boys that quash this stereo type. We have to talk to our boys. We need to love them and we need to show them how to love others. We need to teach them about respect for them selves and others. We have to tell them that they are responsible for their actions, right from an early age.

It more then teaching them about sex and that when a girl says no to stop. It is so much more than that. The respect needs to start before. It is not just about saying no or yes it is about the respect that is mutually there before sex even come up.

We have a stigma that needs to be changed and it needs to change with the boys. For years we have been attacking girls telling them that they must act differently, dress differently, just be different so they didn’t lure our men into situations where they would rape them. Yes things need to change, but how about giving our men some control and telling them that they are responsible. I don’t know of a woman who gets dressed in the morning with the thought of ” This is so going to get me raped, this is what I am going to wear today!”

Accountability needs to be on both parties some times but really there needs to be a really big change on the male half. They need to know that no matter how much money they spend how much they are attracted to her, there is never NEVER EVER an excuse to take something that does not belong to you. Just to also clarify, since we don’t have slavery, she doesn’t belong to you!

Moms we need to help our boys. They are going into a world where in general it is believed that all men are potential rapists. How are we going to hep them? We can start by opening the conversation NOW! Talk to them about what is going on. It is a reality and you can’t hide it. If you don’t talk, someone else will and it wont always be the message you want. We need to encourage them to stand up for injustices, we need need to let them know that being a good person is good. We need to stop putting our head in the sand and thinking that it will never happen. We need to respect and love our sons enough to talk to them about this. They need to learn about sex and what is really is. We need to change this rape culture so that women can stop living in fear and men can been seen as respectable individuals.

Now I am going to have to put it out there that yes I am aware that rape goes both ways but the stats are far against the men. The discussion should be with both girls and boys, but as a mom of boys I am very passionate about working to change this world where you can effect change. I can effect change with my sons. I encourage you to do the same with your children. You will each have your own set of values and morals that works for your family. I would prefer to teach my children to wait till they can see themselves being with some that they would want to raise a family with. Everyone is different and will raise their children with their own values, but the conversation needs to start.

Sex should not be hidden away in the family setting, children should know that they can come with questions. They should have a safe environment to talk in, where they know they will get honest answers. If you don’t talk they will seek out the answers, through peers and the internet. Children are resourceful they will find the answers but will they be the answers you want them to find?

Have you opened the discussion in your home?

Does post Christmas get you down?

The presents are opened. Thank yous are exchanged. The turkey dinner is done. The friends and family have gone home There should be a feeling of peace and happiness from everyone. Tis the season of good tiddings and all!

But there isn’t     😦

The phenomenon that I have heard referred to as  “The Christmas Letdown”

There is so much build up to Christmas months of prep hours shopping. Time spent decorating and planning, all leading up to one day. The when it is done….. now what?

Often I heard people say “never again”. Though the reality is we are creatures of habit, we’ll do it again just like last year and the year before.

Why do we have this desire to have one day of the year filled with presents and glitz and so much stuff? Does it make us happier? Maybe for the day but how long does it last? Far too many people have stuff of Christmas day then run out boxing day and buy more stuff. Or exchange what you didn’t like to get something better.

Then you have stuff. Does the stuff make you happy? Does it fill you life with joy? Maybe it does for for now but in a week will it still be the best thing ever?

Small and simple Christmas

We really worked hard on decreasing the stuff this year. We didn’t make a big deal over Christmas stuff we focused on what was important, FAMILY. It may have been just us but it was one of the best days we have had in awhile. I didn’t stress over a fancy dinner, we had meatloaf.

We kept gifts to a minimum and they were mostly useful gifts, books, watches, blankets, PJ’s and a few small toys. Honestly unwrapping was done in like 45 minutes. The kids were happy they got what they had wanted. I suppose I’m lucky that they didn’t want much. ( definitely an advantage to no TV and homeschooling 🙂 )
We are fortunate that our families are very understanding about our desire to keep the stuff to a minimum. They understand our desire for memories and quality over quantity. 🙂

Do I feel a sadness that Christmas is over? No. Why not? Because other then a few extra presents, snow and Christmas carols, and a tree we didn’t do really anything major. Christmas will come again and I will continue to keep it stress free.

Time spent together is better then money spent on each other

Maybe next year there will be a big dinner but I don’t get stressed about having people over either. I enjoy good tidings and fun.

Avoid the Christmas let down by keeping things normal and keep your focus on what is important. The stuff isn’t, the people and memories are!

Judge me not ~ Love me always

Have you ever been judged harshly for doing what you love? Doing something important? Something you believe in? All of us have been judged in one way or another. It saddens me the way we judge our fellow humans for the choices they make just because they are different from ours. I think what saddens me more is we so very often do it in the name of GOD. People who say they are Christians far too often are some of the most judgmental people I know.

Photo Credit

I love this quote from President Dieter F. Uchtdorft of the First Presidency in the LDS Church. 

This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it!
It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”


That was from the April 2012 General Conference. I have found that this simple text seems to have resonated with many people not just of the LDS affiliation. It is simple and to the point. If you are Christian and say you follow the teaching of the Father and Son, then stop hating and judging. 

We all have a place in our lives where we can improve. We all have places where we fail in our day to day lives. We are an imperfect people, there is no perfect person. Anyone who says differently is lying and that there is their sin.

Whatever it is that you don’t agree with then don’t engage in that activity for yourself. No one is making you gay, black, christian or whatever. That is the beauty of this world we live in. You have a choice! You get to make your choices every single day. You can choose what to eat, what to wear and what to believe. You even in the free world the the freedom to choose what you say. Sometimes what you say will hold consequences for you, because some one will judge you, whether they should or not. Right now even what you put on social media will have repercussions.  
Simply if you claim to be of Christian values, then hold true Christian values. Jesus loved everyone, he hung out with the outcasts, he sat with the poor and wealthy alike. If you follow his teachings then truly follow them. Stop judging others because they hold different values than you. 
“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. … Luke 16:27-36
 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”   John 13:34-35

A few simple verses from the Bible where Christian get their teachings from. I don’t care to hear about how there is scriptural verse against whatever sin you are against because first and foremost we are instructed to love. With the same unconditional love that given to just by Heavenly Father and Jesus. The sin is to be judged at the end of days. Now you can live your life with standards and if you chose to not have certain people in your life that is your choice but you still can love them and treat them with respect. I choose to keep people in my life who enrich my life. Their affiliations whether sexual or religious do not need to matter, it is the person I see. If they are good people who stand up and live their lives with integrity and decency, who they go to bed with or what God they believe in or don’t is not how I chose my friends. I don’t interview every person I meet before I decide if I will be nice to them. I try not to pass judgement on someone before I smile and say hello. I do fail at this sometimes but the point is I try to emulate the teachings that I believe in.

I am for LOVE ALWAYS!
I am for FREEDOM!

Being a little different

Yup I am odd. I was really awkward as a kid and a teenager, heck as an adult. I have those awful embarrassing school photos, that people laugh at for years. I usually figured out trends as they were trending away. I was not cool or popular at all, I wasn’t even on the uncool side, I was just different.

I wore hand me down clothes, that were very far out of style, and not the looping back cool items.  I didn’t really feel pretty most of my childhood and teenaged years. I went through a long time just being invisible, or at least feeling that way. I went through phases of being bullied but mostly I was just ignored. It was hard never having any friends till I was a bit older. Elementary years sucked.
I went through a phase where I really tried to be like everyone else just so I could fit in somewhere. The problem was I became so many “people”, that I really was still no one. I had trouble with a lot of basic social skills. I had a lot of trouble breaking out and meeting new people. I became afraid to be me, due to the fact I felt no one like the real me. I still have a problems with this in my adult life. I thought making friends in school was hard, try the real world it sucks.

I have a hard time conforming to one particular thing. I really am a bit of a mish mash of different things that I have liked along the way. I feel strongly about a number of things but I’m usually open to listening to others thoughts. Hey I really can’t judge your for your wrong choices, they are yours to make. Yes I do think I am right for my life. Maybe not yours but it works for us.

I’m a bit sassy, I’m opinionated and I can be loud about stuff with people I know. Though usually I keep to myself with people who I don’t know very well. I can appear rather shy to people who don’t know me, and have even been called snobby.

I wear toe shoes and clothes that are comfortable. I’m usually pretty plain and not very noticeable. I used to have a hard time with being different but I have decided to embrace myself. Freckles and all! I’m who I am and that’s not really going to change.