Not Qualified……

Some days I looks at the boys and just wonder how the heck this all happened? How did I become a mom to 4 little boys? Am I even qualified to do this?

Honestly, probably not. But really who qualifies parents, nobody. Really just about anyone can become a parent. The question that usually there ends up being is how good of a parent are you. That, though still depends a lot on what your definition of being a good parent is.

Back to my point though. Am I qualified for this position? Technically I am pretty qualified. I have done child development classes, I have read the books. I took a class running a preschool/ day care in high school. I Have a few psychology classes about life span development. I have dealt with children with different needs. Heck I even ran my own daycare in my house at one point. Sounds pretty qualified to me, but not really.

Let me tell you a story. I was the the best parent before I had kids. I really was, because I had read the books. I had taken classes. I knew kids needed consistency and structure. They needed to sleep in their beds, they should fall asleep on their own, no coddling necessary. They will be properly behaved in all social situations and respectful. After all that is how they are supposed to be. ( yeah right….

Now here is reality. When D came along I had such high hopes for my plan. We had his own room set up, loving painted and decorated, with a matching bed set. it was adorable. We did have a bassinet for him in our room but that would just be for the first little bit. Well he had other plans for us. He hated sleep, it was the worst thing ever, unless he was held tightly to fall asleep. Then if you tried to even think of putting him in his crib you might as well just rip his arms off, for that is how he screamed. As he grew so did his energy. D wasn’t your normal typical textbook kid. ( are any of them really? ) Then A came along  and that was a whole new ball of wax. In every way that he looked like his brother his personality was different. He was a whole different kid. and then C boom, different kids and E is being a whole different ball game too.

Seriously I am constantly learning and making this up as the days go by. Each child is teaching me to be a better mom and a different mom. My views change with each child and my approaches adjust with each child. Most days I feel like I’m just staring at them wondering what I got myself into. With all the reading and all the books I still have 4 very different human being that I am in charge of rearing to be respectable members of society…..  I’m not qualified for this.

Then again as their mother is there anyone more qualified for this position? I know these boys better than most people ever will. I know their quirks I know their likes I know their passions. I know their hearts and their breath. I know every little bit on their sweet little head. I may not be qualified but they, I’m pretty sure, qualify me.

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The “Frozen” agenda

By now I’m sure you have seen Frozen, or at least heard of it and one or two of the songs. Many by now have heard also about Disney’s hidden agenda, you know beastiliaty and homosexuality.  I honestly have to say I am just flabberghasted by this, yes flabberghasted. Also a wee bit pissed off. The thing is if you are looking for something you will often find it, ooh boy people have found some major issues with this movie. I will really focus more on the LGTB agenda aa the beastiliaty one is just dumb. (in my opinion anyways, does it really matter that his best friend is a reindeer? )

When I first saw a post on Frozen pushing the gay agenda, I really laughed to myself and had a major face palm moment. Really what is the purpose to dissecting movies to see how inappropriate they are, it just seems like there should be something better to do. But alas here we are, looking for the big scary agenda that is going to doom us all.

Let’s start with where I can see this actually could be some sort of hidden agenda. There is Oaken’s family. I really missed this the first time and every other time till it was pointed out to me. I still question it but hey if that is how it is then fine with me. Pretty sure I wasn’t mentally scared for the 2 seconds it was on  screen. That is about the only thing I can see as the official agenda. A whole 2 seconds… whoopie.

Now the interpreted agenda is with Elsa. You see she has this hidden secret about her, that was once enjoyed but learns that she could be a danger to others. Jeepers people that could fall under a wealth of different things. Just because she “slammed the door” doesn’t mean that she is coming out of the closet necessarily. Ever heard of the phase ” when one door closes…..”? Could just be closing the door on her life where she felt abused neglected and afraid? I think that just may be so. Now regardless of whether or not Disney had a “gay agenda” when they wrote Frozen, it doesn’t change the fact that is is a pretty flippin’ fantastic movie. It breaks the standard in a few ways and it makes you think. And, people, thinking is really okay.In fact often encouraged.

Pregnancy and Birth Facts ( Facebook status game )

Have you seen the pregnancy and birth fact games going around? It is where you post them about your pregnancy and birth and people who like your status will be given a number to do their own. Well I figured that since so much stuff gets lost in the great Facebook world I would post them here as well.

I’ll do 8 for each pregnancy and birth;

Damian(7 years )
1- Had my first known miscarriage and then  conceived D 2 weeks after. This ensued a lot of questions about his date.
2- I had a major sweet tooth through this pregnancy. I love Reese peanut butter anything
3- I had food poisoning after eating too many hotdogs while camping at 27 week. This is when I learned I’m sensitive to IV gravol. I get stoned for hours- 16 hours after that was the best cup of mandarin oranges, a metal spoon and my nose. ( my hubby still laughs about this)
4- We went out for Indian for the first time at 32 weeks. I had heartburn from that moment till birth
5- A long walk and sex got things kicked into gear at 39+6. ( my closest to EDD )
6- D was my OP baby, it sucked, I subcombed to a bit of drugs.  Wish I would have had a Doula to help with different positions.
7- I ended up with a 3-4 degree tear due to the Doc needing to change her shoes so I had to wait even though my body was trying to birth a baby.
8- I was so thrilled that he was a boy. I had felt that way his entire pregnancy

Bonus fun fact- When the OB/Gyn was doing my stitching I yelled at her in my gas induced state that “I was not her f-ing sewing project, I was going to be back in 2 years to have my baby girl” Missed by a day and had a boy ( D Oct 18/06 A Oct 19/08)

Ainsley (5 years)
1- I had major nausea, lost 20 lbs in the first trimester.
2- Heartburn from 20 weeks till birth. I joked I was going to give birth to sasquatch. He was the hairiest baby, even his ear had long hair.
3- This was my most supported birth ( to this point ) I had two doulas, my hubby and best friend.
4- In the middle of active labour my BFF asked why I wasn’t screaming and flipping out ( aka hollywood) I simply looked at her and told her that ” I choose this for myself it takes two to tango” In the middle of a  contraction.
5- I was a pain in the nurses ass. I didn’t want to do anything to make their job easier. They wanted to check me the could do it around what I was doing. They put in the stupid IV port while I was on the birthing ball
6- He has a nuchal cord pretty tight around his neck. Gave me a scare seeing as he took a bit to transition to this world and no one was telling me anything
7- Even though I had thought ( read wanted, my intuition keep telling me different ) he was going to be a girl it took me over an hour of holding him and talking to him to realize he was not a girl. I knew he was a boy and spoke to him as a boy but hadn’t realized that him being a boy meant he wasn’t a girl.
8- My MIL said the most insensitive thing to me after his birth ” At least the boys look alike so we know the dads are the same” I think that is when I started having the biggest issues with her.

Cael ( 2 1/2 years)
1- This first time I had decided to plan a homebirth.
2- nausea and heart burn were pretty much my only issues I think I threw up 3 times
3- I had major pelvic girdle pain, so much it hurt to walk
4-I learned that no matter how much you plan if you let people get into your head that 3rd babies are tougher and the a homebirth may not work, that it can be very bad for your birthing time
5- I had midwives that didn’t have time for me or my birth. I think it contributed a lot to my transfer and c-section
6- My c-section was the most traumatic event in my life to date. I felt I had no choice becasue no one was talking to me, and I didn’t know what questions to ask. I  thought my choices were my life and risk baby if I was to continue or risk mine ( major surgery) in order to save my baby. I choose to save my baby. I was crying so hard I could barely read the consent form through the tears
7- I made a choice in recovery that I could stay there and  feel sorry for myself or I could get the F -out of there get my baby and never let anyone hurt us again. I came out stripped us both down and spent the next 5 days skin to skin with him in the hospital bedsharing and being a pain in the ass. ( I wouldn’t fill out their forms or anything I just wanted all the medical staff to leave me along unless I needed something from them.
8- There ended up being no medical reason for why the surgery was needed. They ran tests and all sorts of stuff and nothing came back. I very much believe it came down to stuff that was given to me to help tone things up ( herbal induction ) and a team who didn’t have time for my birth ( she had a test in the morning)

Baby Sweet Pea ( TBA )
1- I decided I was going into this with power and informed choice
2- I am planning a homebirth, it may end up being a UC depending on how I’m feeling about it at the moment
3- Even if Midwives are in attendance at my birth. It is MY birth and they will touch me and my baby only with permission. I’m planning to free birth with a very hands off approach
4- I have been very sick this pregnancy. While I didn’t lose much weight this time I have barely been able to eat and would vomit most things till 30 weeks. I still have limited vomiting and nausea and heartburn to this day.
5- I have chosen to take Hypnobabies, hire a doula and be more emotionally prepared this time around.
6- I have had pre birthing time for about 2 weeks now and I’m tired.
7-We are really hoping that the baby will be here this weekend
8- It seems the general consensus is that this little one will be a girl and as much as I would love a little girl the idea terrifies me a fair amount.

Sugarbread Christmas Cookies

Sugarbread Christmas Cookies
These are pretty much my own creation of putting a bunch of really yummy things together and a pregnant lady wanting both sugar cookies and shortbread cookies. SO I some how by the magic of the cookie fairies made these wonderful delights.
* I made these for a cookie exchange to the batch size is giant. Yield 90 cookies
Preheat oven to 350
4 cups of soft butter
4 cups of organic cane sugar
3 tbsp of vanilla
1/2 cup Powdered sugar
1/4 cup Coconut flour
4-5 cups of white flour**
1 cup melting chocolate ( optional )
3 candy canes, crushed ( optional )
Whip the butter. This is the most important things you can do. Don’t cut corners make sure it is whipped and fluffy it is the most important part of the recipe. Seriously, trust me on this. I had it whipping in my Kitchen aid for probably 10 -15 minutes. Add sugars and vanilla, progressively. A  little bit at a time so that it all gets fully mixed. Add half the white flour in 1/4 cup increments making sure each is fully blended before adding the next. then add the coconut flour ( I put this in for the texture and I was getting impatient and it seemed like a good idea, not sure if you really need it or if you can just add more flour ) add more regular flours in the 1/4 cup increments. You will know you have enough flour in it when it is stiff yet still fluffy. If you are unsure pop 1 cookie drop on baking sheet in your preheated over for 5 minutes if it melts you need more flour.
Once you have the dough drop the cookies in small bits on a cookie sheet and bake for 11-15 minutes. you want them just slightly golden brown. Also very important to not over cook.  Once cooled you can drizzle with chocolate & crushed candy cane
 ** the amount of flour depends on how soft your butter was. if it was at room temp you need less if you tried to rush the softening you will need more**

Christmas is coming

So here we sit, on the 25th of November. In one month my house will be filled with chaos and shouts of excitement. This year is going to be busy for us. Hoo boy will it be busy. On top of our normal family stuff we will be having hubby’s Dad, Stepmom and younger siblings. These younger siblings are much younger, like 5 & 3 years old younger. Plus my grandparents will be in town, visiting us. My grandma will be here earlier in order to help with the other lovely guest that should be showing up soon.  Yup the baby should be joining our family very soon. I need our lil Sweet pea to keep growing for at least one more week and then all is good. So in other words once I hit December we are baby go time pretty much at any moment.

I have been spending the last several months wishing that time would just slow down a little bit so that I would have enough time to get ready for this baby. Things have gotten done here and there but there is still stuff to do. Today  I shall be popping some baby clothes, bedding and recieving blankets into wash so that they are all clean and ready. I deen to pull out my sewing machine and make a few woolies for the baby.

Crazy to think how fast time is going. Before I know it our new baby will be here and the year will be over.

Being a squeaky wheel

The squeaky wheel gets heard.

When I wrote the other week about the challenges I was going through with the prenatal care and the respecting of my birth choices.( you can read about it here ) I was in a place of an almost limbo, I had made my choice of where I was birthing but I still didn’t know how care was going to happen for me. I knew what I was needing to do for me and my baby. I felt knowledgeable and safe with my choice and I was really just looking for some back up to go with it.

The unfortunate issue really was not really safety, which is what they tried to sell me on to start with. It was politics and possibly someone making sure they get their share of the money. That is not where the medical system should be making choices for birthing women but alas that is where we sat. So I decided to do something about it. Talking with different midwives wasn’t getting me anywhere, so I choose to go higher. I went to the College of Midwives of BC. I got myself informed about policies, procedures and standards of care. I decided to become a thorn in the side of my local midwifery group. Now this really is something I never thought I would do. Sure I like to stir the pot and stand up for others rights but I have never spearheaded my own quest. And I was on a quest, I was on a quest to have my informed choice rights respected. I was on a quest to be free to birth my baby at home regardless of my previous births. I had my information and I started making connections. I began to learn about other women who were not respected and their choices were made for them, not for safety but for archaic policies that have been debunked. ( nothing by mouth, clock watching, consistent monitoring)

So I sent an e-mail to a few people and the initial response was less than supportive. Like I said in the previous post. They were able to stop and limit midwifery but they didn’t have a standard of care that everyone had to follow in regards to birthplace choice. I was enraged and angry I didn’t understand how they could do this to women. It is worth mentioning that midwifery has only been regulated in BC for the past 20 or so years. They put some wonderful women through the ringer because of this regulations and limits that they placed.

Then I went to my next midwife appointment, honestly I went in prepared to fight for my rights. I had all my ducks in a row I had all of their Standard of care and Code of Ethics printed. I had studies, I was prepared. Well pretty much. I still had a knot in my stomach because I hate confrontation but I felt strongly about this. I wasn’t just fighting for me and my baby any more I was fighting for the women in my area who just like me were being held down due to a scar.

The first few minutes of the appointment were a bit awkward. Then it happened, we started to talk about what the plans were. My anxiety spiked and I was ready, hubby held my hand as we waited for what they were going to say. Then she told us that they would attend my HBAC ( homebirth after a cesarean) While they were not necessarily endorsing this, they felt that it was a safer and better option for me. Both hubby and I were flabberghasted, I’m pretty sure my jaw hit the ground. They didn’t give much for reason just that they felt that they needed to respect my choices. There was some talk of reason that I would choose to transfer, which are only if truly medically necessary.

We were delighted and shocked. It has been a long road to get to this point. There has been tears and frustration. There have been moments when I wished December would never come. Though now I have learned that if you believe in something and you know it is right you have to fight for it. Change can not be made when you sit idly by hoping some one else will do it. So for now we have our support back up plan but we also have our comfort level of knowing, our baby this time will come into the world in a much more respected manner.

Do you know what is it?

As a mom with three boys, I seem to be getting the automatic assumption that we are having another baby so we can have a girl. I get it from people I know, family, and complete strangers. I have had random people at random times ask if I know what I am having? The thing is we have never found out with any of our children their sex before they were born.

Why?
Well for one I have this terrible fear that they will be wrong and I will be prepared in very gender stereotypes. Even if you say it won’t happen it often does. Really it’s not a big deal but if people know what you are having they will usually be more than happy to help out with all their hand me downs. I have no issue with hand me downs but kids grows so fast I don’t need 150 newborn outfits.

Along with the being wrong fear. I don’t want myself and family member to get so set in one gender and then another appears. It could set you up for a let down. I don’t think the sex of a baby should determine how much you love a baby, but it happens. I know people who have found out that their child was not the sex they hoped for and they were disappointed. I honestly “thought” ( read wanted) both # 2 and #3 to be girls. My instinct told me something different most of the time but I over-rode it. We didn’t know for sure though, and that was something that we had decided to do. To be honest I didn’t even notice that #2 was not a girl till a few hours after birth. I knew he was a boy I just didn’t occur to me that I had guessed wrong. #3 was so all over the place I didn’t care what the sex was I just wanted to know my baby was safe and alive, I wanted to hold my baby. I wanted to know that my baby was okay.

I have no issue with people who want to find out the gender of their child. That is totally up to them and their family. For me though I wish so much emphasis the sex of the child. It doesn’t make them loved any more or any less. My issue is when people assume that I need to have mixed genders to have a complete and happy family. We talked and then planned on having 4 children while I was pregnant with #2. It was a bit different from our original plan of definatly 2 maybe 3.

For us the sex of our children has played no basis on whether or not to have more children. We love our children and I wouldn’t change my boys for anything. I love them so much and they have helped me grow and develop in many ways. While I’m not saying that girls wouldn’t have done this. I know it would be in a slightly different situation.

So no I don’t know if I’m having a boy or a girl. I’m hoping for a healthy baby. I am looking forward to meeting this new little person soon. About the only thing I can say for sure is I’m NOT having puppies.