Another year has passed.

I can’t believe 2016 is coming to a close already. It has really been a crazy ride this year. It started off super high with the postive pregnancy test last Christmas. Then took a plumeting dump in February when we found out that there was no baby.

We have been active and out with out Scouting groups. David is out every other month camping with the boys. He has really fallen into Scouting after I dragged him down with me last year.

This summer we took a trip out east to see David’s dad. I got to see my sister Crystal. The big event of the trip was David’s younger brother, Grant’s, baptism. We had a family reunion on my side in Calgary. Took a trip to the Royal Tyrell Museum with the kids. It was quite the summer trip.

September brought a change in distance learning schools for us. We thought we would give our local school a try and see how it went. C started kindergarten, A is in grade 3 and D is grade 5 now. I can’t believe how fast the time is going.  It is sure that there will be more changes on the school front next year.

Then when we think life can’t get anymore crazy. I am pregnant again. We found out in August but kept things pretty quiet. We did blood tests and ultrasounds to make sure things were looking good before we got too excited this time. It looks like we will have #5 join us in April 2017img_2016-12-15_14-08-39_

We are very excited. And no we don’t know if it will be a boy or a girl. From the ultrasound though, it looks like we are having a beautiful perfect baby.

Christmas was very low key this year. We decided to stay home and enjoy our first Christmas in our new house. We were so fortunate to be able to buy out here. The unforunate relaity of our local real estate is that it is very expensive.

All in all I think we have had a good year and I am excited to see what 2017 is going to bring us.

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My Brey……

I will never know you in this life. I know that you were with me even for a short period of time. I loved you from the moment those lines showed up. Your Daddy was so excited for you to join us. Your brothers were really hoping you were going to finally be the sister they were asking for.

I’m sorry that things didn’t work out like we had hoped. Your due date is closing in on us. You would have been my summer baby. Sure life would have been hard and uncomfortable. Sure plans were going to have to adjust with your arrival. We were willing to do whatever it would take to keep you safe and happy. I’m am not sure what happened my sweet soul, but I guess our time just wasn’t right. My soul died a bit when we found out you would not be joining us earth side. It’s okay sweet soul. I will still love you forever and you will remain in my heart.

I love you Brey and like all the little souls before you you will live in my heart forever.

The day my heart shattered

Dec 25th was a thrilling day. I had a light positive a few days before but today there was a solid line. No denying it. It felt like them best Christmas present. Our 5th child. We were thrilled. We plotted how to tell our families. Hubby made snow angels with the our 4 other children. We were so happy. They were so happy. For some reason I didn’t feel like shouting from the Facebook roof tops this time. We told people in private as time went on and they questioned why I was sick. I wasn’t eating, I couldn’t make myself eat. Food made me sick. Jan 24th I was unwell so I went to the ER and they checked my blood levels and my hcg was decent for 8 weeks over 5000. Doc said i should try some diacetin and move on. They didn’t do an ultrasound. Feb 1st I had the first bit of blood streaked in mucous. It was there for one wip and then it went away. Nothing major. Feb 3 a bit more blood streaked mucous but one wip and then nothing again. Sunday Feb 7th at 11:40 am I went to the bathroom and there was much more blood. But it once again was limited. I wasn’t taking chances. I packed up the kids and went to pick up my husband. He was 20 minutes away but closer to the hospital than home. I pulled him out of a meeting and told him he was taking me to the hospital. Enroute I had managed to find someone to watch the other 4. I had him drop me off and then take the children so he could come back. There was a long wait. Hours later when we’re were seen my hgc levels dropped. Which would be normal 11 weeks, but it was significant. Doc came in with a bedside ultrasound. A crude bad imaging machine but gave us our first bad news. He could find nothing. He said he would bring us in the next day for a proper ultrasound.
Monday morning I got an early call asking for me to be in, in 45 minutes. I couldn’t find anyone to watch the kids. So hubby took the older 3 to work with him and I took the 2 year old. Once again a long wait for the results. When I was was brought in. I was beginning to fear the worst and then I over heard the doc. He came in to let me know. They found nothing but a gestational sac. No fetal pole, no yolk sac. I felt the world crush my heart. Not even that the baby had passed at such and such time. There was nothing. They said if I had pain it may be ectopic but seeing as there was no pain there was just nothing. My body believes and chemically saying I am pregnant but there is no baby. Maybe never was. There are not enough tears. I don’t know where to go from here.

Sorry for radio silence

Life has been crazy and now things seem to be coming to light. Life with 4 kids and everything that goes with it has been nothing short of crazy. We are still busy homeschooling and everything that goes with that. Updates are coming soon I assure you.

Pandora by Charairo, a review

I recently had the opportunity to be a tester for a new wrap, with an up and coming weaver. It was a wonderful wrap and I was sad to send it on.

Here is a review of the wrap

pandora3

 

Name/Design/Description: The wrap is named Pandora. SHe had a beautiful colour way of purples teals and a bit of browns

Material/fiber/yarn type (if known): Cotton linen blend

Structure(plain weave/twill/etc): Plain weave

Grams per square meter: Unknown

Size/Length and Width: woven as a 4.6 with a width of 27″

Pros: I really loved this wrap. I was the first on the line of testers, so I had this beauty fresh from the weaver. I was thrilled with how comfortable and soft it was right off the bat. She hadn’t been through wear yet still wrapped wonderfully and easily. I have both a babe and preschooler that I was able to wrap up and is was nice and easy for both.

pandora

 

The wrap did feel very study and while I wouldn’t call it thick it has good substance. It felt cushy  on my shoulders and didn’t slip out of a ruck like some other wraps I have tried. I was very happy with my time with Pandora

Cons: The biggest con was having to send her along to her next tester. I felt our time together was too short.

How does it wrap?–best type of carries,description of wrapping qualities, etc: It wrapped nice and tight. Easy to tighten the rails and had a good hold so that tightened around trying new carries what I had already done didn’t loosen drastically. Carries I tried was a double hammock, front wrap cross carry and a ruck tied tibetan. With the FWCC I didn’t feel the need to spread the passes with my leaner.

pandpra

What wrap would you compare it to?—either machine woven or handwoven: I felt very similar to the cush of my other hand woven ( Szibbo Common Thread) and the sturdiness of my didymos wraps that I have.

Weaving Irregularities: None that I was able to spot

If you bought directly from the maker, how was your experience?–custom design process, overall customer service, communication with the weaver, sister wraps,etc:

Just a tester but maybe fun customs could be in my future 🙂

 

 

Away he went…..

Did you ever go to summer camp? My first time was when I was 13. I spent most of my youth going between parents homes in my summers and camping. But as a child I never went to summer camp. This year after much discussion and pondering, we decided that Damian could go to camp. He will be 8 this year and we found a camp that a friend of mine had been attending her whole life. Plus she was going to be there the week that D was able to go so he would have a familiar face. ( and someone for mommy to check in with, on stealth mode)

D at Camp

 

The camp he went to was a small non denominational Christian based camp. Both of these things were important to us. It is a small camp with a great staff to camper ratio, 1:3. They keeps the kids so busy with activities, theme nights and lots of personal building. The have a chapel time where they can keep things focused on the saviour, but not too much that the kids are bored with it. Activities include archery, rock climbing, skateboarding. They have a challenge rope course, they do drama times, campfires, water activities. I’m sure there is more that D didn’t tell me about that they did in his 6 days of extreme fun.

I loved when we picked him up that other staff members knew who he was and said bye to him by name. When I checked him out his cabin leader told me that he had some wonderful scripture based talks with Damian. It filled my heart with immense joy that I sent my son somewhere that he was loved and cared for, for the week. While I missed my biggest boy so much that week I know it really was a great choice for us to have sent him to camp.

 

 

BeBop Bum Cloth Diapers – A review

It’s no secret I love cloth diapers. I have a very healthy stash and it has all sorts of diapers in it. I have tried most types diapers and been around the cloth diapering world for about 7 years now. I know my fluff 🙂

Most recently I was given a chance to review a new WAHM on the cloth diaper scene. BeBop Bums has super cute fitted diapers. I’m loving with prefolds/ fitted and wool with Elias this time around. I can’t say enough about these beautiful diapers, out of the envelope it was cuddly and smooshy soft. I couldn’t wait to get it on E’s lil tush.

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It fits so nicely, trim yet absorbent. He does get quite a booty going on but with the holding power that this diaper has I wouldn’t expect anything less.

 

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We are still a home learning family

We live in a province that gives us amazing freedoms with our children’s education. We have your normal standard brick and mortar schools that most of us grew up attending. We have publicly funded speciality schools, environmental, traditional, alternative, arts based, Waldorf, Montessori and Christian. We can also teach at home through various distance learning( DL) programs. Where you have to report to a teacher on a regular basis and work with a curriculum of their or your own choosing. These distance learning programs are funded and either designated as either public or independent schools. With these some programs offer even partial days of school or classes for the students, some at a cost and some included in your enrolment. Finally we also have the options of being Section 12 registered, where you simply let a school of your choosing know that you are home with your child so they can be counted for numbers. You are then completely free to do what you want with your child.

They are so many options sometimes it is hard to decide what you want to do. For us it came down to I wanted to keep my children home. I still wanted the freedom of choosing our curriculum, but the funding from a DL was necessary in order for us to be able to offer them the extra enrichment programs. Now we don’t do anything fancy but having memberships to Science world and the zoo and being able to attend various art and music classes are important to my boys. Being able to put them into swimming lessons go rock climbing, Beavers or other things that come up are important. Unfortunately the budgets only goes so far with kids, and things like food and shoes need to take priority. In case you haven’t noticed kids classes are super expensive. I didn’t realize how expensive at first but they sure are. $200 for one art class is very standard and that is only for 8 classes. This is why I needed to choose the DL route. I found a program that respects my child’s needs and encourages me to follow his lead and let them show me what interests them.

We are very lucky with our program, we have freedom in education in our province that most don’t. The freedoms we have with being able to just be registered is not available to many others. The government wants some sort of knowledge and /or accountability, not sure why but that is how it works. I was reading a post  the other day about how if you are enrolled in any various programs that you are not truly a homeschooling family. That got my back up a bit because while yes we have a teacher that we talk with for us it is really no different than the boys talking to a friend about what they are doing. Yes there is more reporting and we are not totally free and off the grid, we are still schooling our children at home according to what we want to do. Now yes there are some programs out there that are much stricter with very particular requirements. We were in one, it wasn’t for us.

My thing is no matter how you decide to do home learning for your children, whether it be online or completely alone. You are still at home with your children day in and day out, teaching them. You are infact homeschooling. Sure the government may have a different term but don’t they have that for everything? You teach your children and i’ll teach mine. We are both doing the same things, teaching our children with love and trust in an environment that fosters their needs.

Honesty Days

Thanks to the world wide web we get to see how awesome other parents are. Parents who just ooze amazing parenting skills. Who have little angels who smile at the camera and can do wonderful genius kid things.  Pinterest shows us how crafty our counterpart moms are. The ones who make every day magical and amazing. The ones who make wonderful cute lunches with smiley faces, love notes and the perfect baked goods. I have wonderful board on Pinterest that show how wonderful I wish I could be. I can “pin” just as well as anyone else. I love the things I see and I “pin” with the best of intentions, though they rarely get done.

Now let’s get honest. Some days I spend too much time on the computer and not enough time with the kids. I make learning plans and playdates and then we go out and do things. Though some days I just want to be left alone in my little online world. Some days I feel crappy about those days because, well I often see how awesome other moms are, via their posts. They have clean houses, wonderful dinners and happy children. Heck they maybe even went to the gym.

You know what I have? Dust bunnies hiding under beds, dirty floors (that need to be vacuumed and washed), laundry piles at every stage of laundry. A load of diapers to do, bathrooms that need to be cleaned (because boys pee everywhere, even when they try and aim it somehow gets everywhere) Dished to be done. Dinners to make and plan. I still have boxes to unpack from when we moved a year ago. (I honestly just want to throw them out some days) Learning plans that still need to be written, budgets to write, field trips to plan. Financial reviews to do and oh so much more that I’m not even thinking about right now.

I don’t know how I’m going to get it all done but the first step is often getting off the computer.(except for the few things that have to be done on the computer) Time to clean the house which often seems pointless, as I live with little tasmanian devils who seem to leave a flurry of stuff behind them. I’m tired but I keep going. I wont be a perfect mom but I’m going to be the best one I can be and hopefully that will be enough for today.

Happy birthday to me

Well it’s my birthday today and well…. I can whine If I want to. I don’t really have much to whine about mostly just about a few things that I would love but I know are just simply not going to happen.

I’m not a big things person. I really only have one collection and I love it with all my heart because each piece means something special. My lovely hubby got me three new pieces to represent me and our three boys. Each of the boys made me a card this morning and they all greeted me in bed with presents and love. What more could a mom ask for. Really not much else.

the front three

I’m happy with my life. I wasn’t looking for some wonder extravagant gift. This was actually more than what I was expecting which is always nice.

There are just a few things I wish could happen as well today.

  • Have an uninterrupted shower. Which means from the moment I turn on the water till I am dressed again that no one whines, cries or asks for food.
  • Have a friend stop by with a drink or something to visit me. I like to see people, I pretty much think my friends are awesome, and it would be nice to see them.
  • My phone to ring. Like actually ring, with a voice on the other end. While Facebook love and text messages are awesome, a personal connection is great. ( i’m guilty of sometimes not calling people but I usually try to)
  • My hubby to organize a dinner date on his own. Meaning he calls the babysitter, sets it up, takes some time off and makes me feel a little extra special. ( I’m a pregnant hormonal mess sometimes it’s nice to feel special )

That’s pretty much it’s. That’s my birthday wish list. Sure I could go all materialistic, but most things with that are not really for me exactly they are things I would like for the baby.  Like a pretty new wrap or something like that, but that is even less likely to happen.

What’s on your mommy birthday wish list?