Not Qualified……

Some days I looks at the boys and just wonder how the heck this all happened? How did I become a mom to 4 little boys? Am I even qualified to do this?

Honestly, probably not. But really who qualifies parents, nobody. Really just about anyone can become a parent. The question that usually there ends up being is how good of a parent are you. That, though still depends a lot on what your definition of being a good parent is.

Back to my point though. Am I qualified for this position? Technically I am pretty qualified. I have done child development classes, I have read the books. I took a class running a preschool/ day care in high school. I Have a few psychology classes about life span development. I have dealt with children with different needs. Heck I even ran my own daycare in my house at one point. Sounds pretty qualified to me, but not really.

Let me tell you a story. I was the the best parent before I had kids. I really was, because I had read the books. I had taken classes. I knew kids needed consistency and structure. They needed to sleep in their beds, they should fall asleep on their own, no coddling necessary. They will be properly behaved in all social situations and respectful. After all that is how they are supposed to be. ( yeah right….

Now here is reality. When D came along I had such high hopes for my plan. We had his own room set up, loving painted and decorated, with a matching bed set. it was adorable. We did have a bassinet for him in our room but that would just be for the first little bit. Well he had other plans for us. He hated sleep, it was the worst thing ever, unless he was held tightly to fall asleep. Then if you tried to even think of putting him in his crib you might as well just rip his arms off, for that is how he screamed. As he grew so did his energy. D wasn’t your normal typical textbook kid. ( are any of them really? ) Then A came along  and that was a whole new ball of wax. In every way that he looked like his brother his personality was different. He was a whole different kid. and then C boom, different kids and E is being a whole different ball game too.

Seriously I am constantly learning and making this up as the days go by. Each child is teaching me to be a better mom and a different mom. My views change with each child and my approaches adjust with each child. Most days I feel like I’m just staring at them wondering what I got myself into. With all the reading and all the books I still have 4 very different human being that I am in charge of rearing to be respectable members of society…..  I’m not qualified for this.

Then again as their mother is there anyone more qualified for this position? I know these boys better than most people ever will. I know their quirks I know their likes I know their passions. I know their hearts and their breath. I know every little bit on their sweet little head. I may not be qualified but they, I’m pretty sure, qualify me.

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Another year of NOT going to school

Today is the first day back to school for many children in my area. With living kiddie corner from a school we see the daily activity, the coming and going of a hundred or so of little children.  My Facebook has been covered with first day of school pictures and most of them look completely adorable.Wearing new clothes with a new haircut, ready to head off on a new adventure.
My boys looked nothing like that today.

They are clothed in the same old clothes. Well the older two are , lil is rejecting clothes today ( he had at least a shirt on earlier ) There are no new back packs or pencils. There honestly is nothing new or special about today. They have watched a bit of TV, played lego and read some books. Later they will have lunch and do something that interests them.  Later this week we will get together with some other home learners and have a picnic in the park. The children will play and run and laugh.
Sure this year will be different Damian is in Grade 2 and Ainsley is in kindergarten. Which pretty much means I have doubled my reporting workload but that is about it for change. We will continue our daily lives in a fairly relaxed fashion and life will go on.

The School Quandary

Every year I go through this same issue. I try to figure out what will be the best options for my kids with their schooling lives. Now granted to them we really don’t do much but I stress and wonder if it is all worth it. Now I’m not talking about putting them into a brick and mortar school but I am talking about what program we want to be enrolled with.
We happen to live in a fantastic province for homeschooling, and there are so many options. I have really enjoyed our unschooling ways but there are so many schools that require a bit more reporting and in turn give you more classes and other options free of charge. I still would get my funding plus the classes. This is where my quandry sits as I would love for the boys to have more options to do things, but do I want to sacrifice what I know works for our family for maybe classes the kids would enjoy?

This quandary leaves me often wondering what we need as a family and what really works for us. We need activities that keep us feeding our souls. We need to do things that cause us less stress not more. We need down time and time to connect. We need to be able to have flexibility to enjoy our lives.
Yes the boys need to learn, but they do that with the constant push of work books.  Could we do more some days sure. The boys do, do more than I plan for them. They learn in ways that amaze me some days. Sure there are things that their skills need to develop more on. You know what though so do I. I make spelling mistakes, I don’t read as often as I should and I get other facts mixed up. ( not always my finest moments) But learning to grow from mistakes are important. You can’t always be right.
So I will probably continue with my quandry for a few ore weeks. I will check out other local schools but I honestly doubt I will end up changing. What works for us last year will work this year. Also I really don’t need extra stress with the baby on the way.

Time to learn?!?!


As the leaves change and people being to think of Back to School.

I had a bit of an odd question today. A family member asked is Bobo was excited to get to start learning. I was momentarily confused and thrown off. You see Bobo starts kindergarten this year, but seeing as we homeschool it’s not like he is off on some major adventure.  Sure this year there will be a few new books for him, but he got those last year. Sure he will be in a few different classes but he attended some last year as well. Really I think the only difference is he will be in Beavers this year and maybe 1-2 other classes that he wasn’t old enough for last year.  The the extra funding and reporting for me which really isn’t something that will be noticed by him.

So it go me thinking a bit. How many other people think that learning starts once they enter into formal schooling. Not that anything we do is really formal, but that aside. Bobo has been learning since he was born just like everyone else. Now he is a bit more methodical than his older brother. He likes activities that he sits and quietly focuses on a task. He like to write, read and play with lego. He is a thinker, he likes to process the world going on around him. Lets be honest he is really pretty much done with the requirements of kindergarten in the province, Bug saw to that over the last year.

Bobo will continue life as pretty much the same he will talk to our Learning Consultant over the year and tell her about the things he does. He will play and enjoy life. Sure we will read and he might just start doing it more himself but I’m not worried. See I know he is learning I know there is no start or end time to the wonders of his little brain. He is still be just who he is, my sweet, quirky, opinionated little guy. He’ll learn and what he doesn’t learn today he will learn tomorrow.

Time to Learn?!??


As the leaves change and people being to think of Back to School.

I had a bit of an odd question today. A family member asked is Ainsley was excited to get to start learning. I was momentarily confused and thrown off. You see Ainsley starts kindergarten this year, but seeing as we homeschool it’s not like he is off on some major adventure.  Sure this year there will be a few new books for him, but he got those last year. Sure he will be in a few different classes but he attended some last year as well. Really I think the only difference is he will be in Beavers this year and maybe 1-2 other classes that he wasn’t old enough for last year.  The the extra funding and reporting for me which really isn’t something that will be noticed by him.

So it got me thinking a bit. How many other people think that learning starts once they enter into formal schooling. Not that anything we do is really formal, but that aside. Ainsley has been learning since he was born just like everyone else. Now he is a bit more methodical than his older brother. He likes activities that he sits and quietly focuses on a task. He like to write, read and play with lego. He is a thinker, he likes to process the world going on around him. Lets be honest he is really pretty much done with the requirements of kindergarten in the province, Damian saw to that over the last year.

Ainsley will continue life as pretty much the same he will talk to our Learning Consultant over the year and tell her about the things he does. He will play and enjoy life. Sure we will read and he might just start doing it more himself but I’m not worried. See I know he is learning I know there is no start or end time to the wonders of his little brain. He is still be just who he is, my sweet, quirky, opinionated little guy. He’ll learn and what he doesn’t learn today he will learn tomorrow.

Everybody has a disorder nowadays, but …..

Have you noticed the labelling going on these days? Either they have a label or they are seeking a label or they have been told by someone that they should have a label.

Why does everyone one want some sort of disorder diagnosis? Is it a badge of honour? Does it excuse you for poor behaviour?

This is personal for me. I have a diagnosis  and it is hard to deal with. I really should see someone and have all the labels figured out and put on paper. I have been medicated, I have lived with people knowing I have a messed up brain chemistry. I have dealt with the looks and stares because I can just not be like everyone else.

I am currently not on medication because I don’t think the way normal people do even when on medication. I moderate myself with my diet. I have to stick to my diet or the issues arise again. I often fail. I often have to pick myself back up and remind myself that I am worth it. Just because I am not like everyone else, doesn’t make me less.

Having yourself labelled doesn’t always make life easier. It actually can make it harder. While you may now understand that it is just they way your body is. You still need to learn how to function in society  You still need to learn how to just move little bit consistently so you don’t have the build up of energy that makes you want to jump and and run around a room screaming. You have to learn how to read the company you are in as to how much you can talk and what you can talk about. You have to learn coping mechanisms with your own personal issues because people will just think you are bat shit crazy if they knew what really was going on in your mind.

I have a diagnosis of ADHD ( attention deficit hyperactive disorder), I also have chronic depression, dealing and anxiety and paranoia. I have been medicated in the past when I have had bad episodes. I don’t like being on medication, I can’t think right, sure I may not have the feelings of restlessness or debilitating sadness, but I just have a cloud in my head.

This is why I use food. good food, whole food. When I eat a clean unprocessed diet, I feel better in my body. I need to eat whole fats like butter, cream, avocados and fish. I eat lots of vegetables and fruits. I limited my grain intake. I try and stay away from artificial dyes and processed white sugar. I know what happens when I eat stuff that I shouldn’t, my body hurts and my brain fritzes.  This way though I know what is going into my body.

Having a label doesn’t give you a free pass to act like a jerk. It should be to make you accountable for yourself. knowing that you have something that is off give you responsibility to learn how to act. It is harder, it is a challenge. We are unique individuals who think differently, having a label doesn’t make you special. You are special you already know that. Having a label does give you a special badge, it is not something to brag about. It does not put you into an elite club. It gives you more challenges, pretty much daily.

Don’t take a diagnosis lightly, it is not funny or a game to those of us who deal with the challenges daily. It is not something to get extra attention or money for. It is not something to make your life easier. Sure  there may be benefits right now, but once you have that label you have it for life. A misdiagnosis can follow you for the rest of your life.

Works well with others………

What does it mean to work well with others? Seriously? Everyone put it on their resume and it is such a token comment in any interview. It is something that children are graded on in school even. I’m looking at the world and wondering what does it really mean “works well with others”?

Honestly in my opinion the expectations of today’s society there is a major change in the wording needed, to explain what is expected. Works well for others! This is what is really wanted in most situations. Some one who is compliant and does what they are told with no resistance. This makes me sad, especially for children. Adults have more choice in the matter. If they don’t like the situation they are allowed to change it, children not so much.

Now when I think of a good team scenario I think of people who compliment each other, all having different strengths and weaknesses and corroborating together. This far too often isn’t what really happens in many situations, sure in some but really in most it isn’t. You have your boss and they tell you what to do.

I personally find it more and more that “works well with others” really is meaning I listen well and do as I’m told. Very rarely are people wanting someone with drive and ambition, who are wanting to move forwards and makes changes where they need to be made. What is wanted is someone who will put their head down and work, won’t cause confrontation or problems. Just simply do as wanted.

Is that who you want your child to be? Is that who you want to be? If you do then great, but I don’t. I want to work with others. I want to be free to make choices and decisions  I would like people to be open to new ideas, not just what corporate wants. I do not want to be a drone and I don’t want my children to be forced into becoming one. I want them to love life and enjoy.

Raising them up

I saw this on Facebook today and it made me think

Who are our children becoming? Are we concerned about the children and the stewards they are going to be? I know I am but are you?
Now a days we can’t seem to do anything right as a parent. It sucks.  There are how to books for you to learn how to be a better parent. There is the older generations who have their ideas and they just aren’t allowed any more. 
“Yes Grandma I know you were spanks and switched and you learned your lesson, but if I even thought about it for too long Little Timmy would be taken away and put into foster care.”
Now I’m not supporting spanking or violence but things are different then they were back then.  So often the older generations idea would end up getting us into a lot of trouble for even considering it, never mind actually acting on it. With the abuse rates so high and getting higher hitting is not something to be joked about. There are times though where I have either had my child or seen another child and thought ” Man that kid need a swift kick in the butt.” 
So with Grandma and Grandpa’s parenting techniques nixed, on to the self help books. THERE ARE SO MANY! Once again they cover a range from forcing children to cry and become independent to completely coddling or letting the child run wild with freedom.  There seems to be no base line and any kook can write a parenting book and get published these days it seems. 
So what do you do. well I think you need to figure out what you want for your child and go from there. Do you want someone who is scared of you and will always do your biddings? Do you want a child who is rude and demanding and treat others like crap? Do you want want some one who is kind?
Who you want to see your child as is who you need to parent them to be. If you see that your child is going in the opposite direction of the behaviour and attitude you want then maybe you need to change your parenting. You can still be a loving and kind parent with rules and boundaires. You don’t have to hit your child because they are wayward. You do though have to think about who you are leaving in this world. It is our job as parents to rasie respectable human beings and honestly there are a lot of us failing. We as parents need to step up and think about it a bit further.
We have children to raise them. We can raise them up to be good people or we can not. It really is up to our parenting to whom we leave this world to when we are gone.

Check out

So I hope by now it is pretty apparent that we are all a little different. Now two people are exactly the same. Also no two parents deal with their children the same way. Everyone has their little grievances that grate their nerves a bit more. But that is okay!

As long as your child is happy and thriving, people should support you, right!?!?!?! WRONG

People judge, they are all Judgey McJudgersons. It’s true, it a fact. The internet is full of them the blogging world is full of them. You can’t do much with out some one judging you. You can’t look at your phone at the park. You can’t just take a “me” day and let the kids watch TV and eat junk all day. You even can’t be the most doting parent who preps every meal in cute shapes and spends every waking moment playing and engaging with their child.

I have been judged for a lot of things. Sometimes things I do or don’t do. The nature of it is it sucks. In this world sometimes I feel like I’ll never be enough. I can’t do it all. I don’t even want to do it all. I love my kids but yes some days I’ll lock myself in the bathroom to have a moments peace. That doesn’t even work because they on right on the other side of the door. Some days my hubby gets home and all I can think about is leaving the house with out the tiny beasts. Does it make me love them any less? No, it quite simply means I know my limits. I don’t spend every waking moment with my best friend for days on end without needing a me break. With out phasing out and checking my phone to see what is going on or if I have e-mail. Some times we just need space.

So I would love to say stop judging me, but you wont. Honestly I’ll judge you too! If you know I see you doing something that I think is totally awful and horrible. Like totally helicoptering over your poor child who just wants to play. But hey we are all human, at least I think we all all, unless you are a cyborg. If you are that is cool too! Can we just show a little bit of love.

While  yes it would be awesome to be able to do something without being climbed over, but you know what my kids love me and they know I am hear for them so if it takes, you know, an hour to write a small post. It happens. Yes I get annoyed sometimes and completely pissed off other days. I’m a mom who spends many of her waking hours with small  people  who can be very demanding and in my face ALL THE TIME. They are only young for a bit and some day I thank God for that. Other days I wish they would stay little for a bit longer because they are growing up too fast.

I love my kids and some days  in order to love them better. I need to check out!

Do you check out? You know you do, it’s okay to admit it!