The thing about depression is…

This week the world was rocked by the death of Robin Williams. He was one of those actors that people just knew about. He was EPIC! I knew in memory in our house we have been watching his movies the past few night just bringing the laughter and remembering him and not focusing on his passing. That is what really had been what his family had requested. Remember the legacy, remember the man. I have seen many tributes to his name and most of them have been wonderful. I only say most because I’m sure I haven’t seen them all so there may very well be some bad ones out there.

This moment though I am going to discuss his death. It’s uncomfortable because it wasn’t natural causes. Robin Williams committed suicide. The funny man of the world made a choice and ended his life prematurely. This fact alone has lead some people to use his death for the normal everyday anti suicide/ depression propaganda.

Propaganda, you say?!?! No one wants anyone to ever decide to take their life. We are having people here. Knowing that they can reach out. Telling them that it is okay to talk to some one. Bullocks, is what I say on you.

If you have ever been in that dark place that is depression you might understand what it feels like to want to end your life. Depression is not just something that can be fixed by sitting down and telling someone how your day is going. Depression isn’t just one thing.  Most times it is together with other mental illness. Often anxiety, angrophobia, food addiction and substance abuse, pair up with this dark monster. At times when people are telling you to reach out, often you just want them to go away. Them telling you that you need help, doesn’t feel like it comes from a place of concern but a place of judgement.

What most people don’t understand is depression isn’t just a one day or few week thing that is instantly fixed but a good chat with a friend. Depression, true real depression is a debilitating force that crushes your very soul. It is a weight on your chest feels like it crushed your last breath with every thought of how you are once again a failure. I really want people to understand how different depression is from feeling sad or having a bad day.

So really what I am trying to get at is telling someone who is experiencing sever mental trouble and you are concerned about them. Stop telling them to seek help and get it for them. Be there be a force in their lives that not only shows that you care but that you are consistent. When you are dealing with this at times having someone consistent can be a saving grace.  Stop telling someone that you will be there and actually BE there. If you are worried that someone you know may commit suicide, be there. Actually be there. The onus is on you, that other person is suffering and is not capable of rational decisions.

 

Advertisements

Emotional turmoil

Have you ever been on a roller coaster? One of the real awesome ones that go up and down and fling you all around? You know the one that are better if the are faster and go upside down? Well roller coasters are just awesome. They give you an amazing thrill that just can’t be beat for some people.

web credit

You know what roller coaster is not awesome an emotional one. Pregnancy puts me on a steep emotional roller coaster.  Add in some stress and the situation can get a little dire. I will be sitting thinking about something or nothing and I will have an overwhelming urge to cry. Or the bread isn’t fluffy enough so I just want to punch the entire loaf and chuck it out the window. I’m not usually this irrational( a bit but not this much) but this time it is so much worse. I feel a little crazy and a lot unstable. I seriously have no idea how I’m going to react in any situation. Some days it makes me want to just stay home because it is just easier that way.  It would be wonderful if I had people who understand how I feel and what I am going through but alas that isn’t seeming like it will happen anytime soon. When you are going through emotional turmoil it seems like everybody sucks.

Everybody has a disorder nowadays, but …..

Have you noticed the labelling going on these days? Either they have a label or they are seeking a label or they have been told by someone that they should have a label.

Why does everyone one want some sort of disorder diagnosis? Is it a badge of honour? Does it excuse you for poor behaviour?

This is personal for me. I have a diagnosis  and it is hard to deal with. I really should see someone and have all the labels figured out and put on paper. I have been medicated, I have lived with people knowing I have a messed up brain chemistry. I have dealt with the looks and stares because I can just not be like everyone else.

I am currently not on medication because I don’t think the way normal people do even when on medication. I moderate myself with my diet. I have to stick to my diet or the issues arise again. I often fail. I often have to pick myself back up and remind myself that I am worth it. Just because I am not like everyone else, doesn’t make me less.

Having yourself labelled doesn’t always make life easier. It actually can make it harder. While you may now understand that it is just they way your body is. You still need to learn how to function in society  You still need to learn how to just move little bit consistently so you don’t have the build up of energy that makes you want to jump and and run around a room screaming. You have to learn how to read the company you are in as to how much you can talk and what you can talk about. You have to learn coping mechanisms with your own personal issues because people will just think you are bat shit crazy if they knew what really was going on in your mind.

I have a diagnosis of ADHD ( attention deficit hyperactive disorder), I also have chronic depression, dealing and anxiety and paranoia. I have been medicated in the past when I have had bad episodes. I don’t like being on medication, I can’t think right, sure I may not have the feelings of restlessness or debilitating sadness, but I just have a cloud in my head.

This is why I use food. good food, whole food. When I eat a clean unprocessed diet, I feel better in my body. I need to eat whole fats like butter, cream, avocados and fish. I eat lots of vegetables and fruits. I limited my grain intake. I try and stay away from artificial dyes and processed white sugar. I know what happens when I eat stuff that I shouldn’t, my body hurts and my brain fritzes.  This way though I know what is going into my body.

Having a label doesn’t give you a free pass to act like a jerk. It should be to make you accountable for yourself. knowing that you have something that is off give you responsibility to learn how to act. It is harder, it is a challenge. We are unique individuals who think differently, having a label doesn’t make you special. You are special you already know that. Having a label does give you a special badge, it is not something to brag about. It does not put you into an elite club. It gives you more challenges, pretty much daily.

Don’t take a diagnosis lightly, it is not funny or a game to those of us who deal with the challenges daily. It is not something to get extra attention or money for. It is not something to make your life easier. Sure  there may be benefits right now, but once you have that label you have it for life. A misdiagnosis can follow you for the rest of your life.