Mother’s day

This Mother’s day was pretty nice, it was a pretty relaxed day.

I got a flower from Damian. They made it at Beavers and it was really nice little gift. He hid it from my and took care of it all week till Saturday.
Hubby took the time while we were at Beavers to make a Mother’s day craft with the other two kiddos. I was so happy to get this creative little craft. ❤ it just made my heart swell these are gifts that I really like.
My bought gift was a stackable planter set for my herbs so that they can be on the deck instead of down in the garden where I can access them easier.
All in all it was wonderful day with me feeling up and down on the wellness scale with the pregnancy but I was surrounded by those I love I didn’t have to cook or change diapers. What more could  mom ask for?
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Call to Moms of Boys!!!!

We need to help our boys!
We need to have our boys know that they are good human beings!

With all the news of rape this past few days it is appalling the rape culture we live in. The confusion between what is and isn’t consent. The lack of respect for another person just is wrong.

As mothers of boys we have a responsibility to raise up boys that quash this stereo type. We have to talk to our boys. We need to love them and we need to show them how to love others. We need to teach them about respect for them selves and others. We have to tell them that they are responsible for their actions, right from an early age.

It more then teaching them about sex and that when a girl says no to stop. It is so much more than that. The respect needs to start before. It is not just about saying no or yes it is about the respect that is mutually there before sex even come up.

We have a stigma that needs to be changed and it needs to change with the boys. For years we have been attacking girls telling them that they must act differently, dress differently, just be different so they didn’t lure our men into situations where they would rape them. Yes things need to change, but how about giving our men some control and telling them that they are responsible. I don’t know of a woman who gets dressed in the morning with the thought of ” This is so going to get me raped, this is what I am going to wear today!”

Accountability needs to be on both parties some times but really there needs to be a really big change on the male half. They need to know that no matter how much money they spend how much they are attracted to her, there is never NEVER EVER an excuse to take something that does not belong to you. Just to also clarify, since we don’t have slavery, she doesn’t belong to you!

Moms we need to help our boys. They are going into a world where in general it is believed that all men are potential rapists. How are we going to hep them? We can start by opening the conversation NOW! Talk to them about what is going on. It is a reality and you can’t hide it. If you don’t talk, someone else will and it wont always be the message you want. We need to encourage them to stand up for injustices, we need need to let them know that being a good person is good. We need to stop putting our head in the sand and thinking that it will never happen. We need to respect and love our sons enough to talk to them about this. They need to learn about sex and what is really is. We need to change this rape culture so that women can stop living in fear and men can been seen as respectable individuals.

Now I am going to have to put it out there that yes I am aware that rape goes both ways but the stats are far against the men. The discussion should be with both girls and boys, but as a mom of boys I am very passionate about working to change this world where you can effect change. I can effect change with my sons. I encourage you to do the same with your children. You will each have your own set of values and morals that works for your family. I would prefer to teach my children to wait till they can see themselves being with some that they would want to raise a family with. Everyone is different and will raise their children with their own values, but the conversation needs to start.

Sex should not be hidden away in the family setting, children should know that they can come with questions. They should have a safe environment to talk in, where they know they will get honest answers. If you don’t talk they will seek out the answers, through peers and the internet. Children are resourceful they will find the answers but will they be the answers you want them to find?

Have you opened the discussion in your home?

Taming the Toddler Temper Tantrum

Have you ever been so full of emotion that you have no idea what to do? Have you ever felt so completely helpless like nothing you do is ever right? Have you ever wanted something that you are just not allowed to have and you have no idea why?

Life can be a very difficult thing to live. Nothing seems fair, there are rules and rules for rules. Sometime you never find out about the rules until you have broken them. People have expectations that many times seem way beyond you reach. You just want to enjoy life, you just want to have a little fun, you just really want what that other person has!

Welcome to life as toddler. You have a ton of things going on in your world that sometimes they can be overwhelming. You are often not allowed to do something that you want to. “NO” in many cases is a word you hear usually more then your own name. Life is hard, you can walk now and get to so many places but everything is challenging and new. You want to climb and explore, you want to see what all is in those mysterious cupboard that mommy always opens. That toys, you want to know why that kids likes it so much, so you take it.

But so very often you are not allowed to do. People yell words at you like ” NO”,”not yours!”, “danger”, “owie” and many other such things that are supposed to stop you in the act. Often though the lure of what you are trying to do is much more powerful then the desire to listen to the big people. Sometimes you just want to do what you want to do. You are tried of being stopped and you want to see just what are they going to do about it? Sure they are bigger but how are they really going to stop you?

Now that is the big question. How are you going to stop this little person and what are you going to do about the temper tantrum that follows?

That is the dilemma of every parent, dealing with a child who has does something wrong, or at least what we are seeing as wrong. What do you really do though? You know forcing them to stop will likely start the temper tantrum, but leaving them might not be an option.

First thing first you have to figure out if this is really as big of an issue as you are making of it. You need to tame your temper tantrum first. That knee jerk reaction where you just want to yell and pull the child quickly away is most likely an adult temper tantrum. You are angry about something. If you want your child to learn to control their emotions you need to lead by example. This is challenging and we all mess up but that is why it is a learning experience, don’t be to proud to say you are sorry for your reactions.

Now that you have dealt with your personal reaction what are you going to do about the child. First you need to gauge whether or not this is a danger that must be stopped immediately or could this be spun and turned into a learning experience? Could you leave this allowing your child to feel empowered?

If it is dangerous clearly you are going to need to remove your child from the situation. Climbing something that could fall and seriously hurt them. Running into traffic, trying to insert themselves into the hot oven or even helping with the dishes by grabbing the biggest knife possible. BUT freaking out and yelling and jumping up and down or hitting the child is not going to help them learn. You need to remain calm. Big reactions get big responses. A big response is not going to stop or prevent a temper tantrum and help the child to learn what the problem is.

Now some people will argue that a sharp shout or a quick swat, teaches kids that that is dangerous and scary. Sure it could be the likeliness is they are going to learn that when they do that YOU are now scary. I would like to hope that your desire as a parent is not to frighten your child into submission. If it is I feel very sad for your child.

But what do you do, what can you do?  First you can talk to your child. Simple and concisely, tell them exactly what the problem is. Not a five minute lecture, with small children you have 10-30 seconds to get their attention or they will find something else that will interest them.

Now with young child you may feel like you are talking till you are blue in the face. If you feel like that you are talking to much. Simple short statements. ” Not yours” “gentle touches” ” put it back” Short simple instructions can help save your sanity.

Now sometimes the child simply wont listen to you. We run into this a lot in the toddler years. This little person will stare you down almost challenging you to make them. Now what? I like to use counting. I explain to them that I will count to 5 and if they have not done what I have asked I will help them get it done. The trick is to remain calm, don’t frighten your child into do what they need to do. If by the time I reach 5 if it has been done I take the child gently and fulfill the request. their hands will do the work but I will be a guide to get it done. I try not to yell or freak out.  It is not always easy but it can be much more effective if I’m not over reacting to what they are doing.

Now when goes from defiance to a full on melt down, I work at being present for my children most of the time when they are feeling big emotions. They  may needs to scream kick and yell but I will usually be there for them. I will though not allow them to hurt me. If their anger is being physical towards me I will simply state the their action is hurting me and move away. If they move to continue I will move myself away and if need be separate  There is no shame in an adult time out. If you are feeling the need to lash out and hurt your child you need to remove yourself. Still remember to talk to your child and let them know what you are doing. Tell them that they are hurting you and you need a few moments away from them. They will likley follow you, as they are needing a connection from you, but boundaries do need to be set. Which is why I suggest telling them what you are doing. * now please not this may not be available to you if you are out, but find some way that you can give yourself a calm down mode. Even if it mean abandoning your half full cart in the middle of shopping. going to your car and placing the child inside and you outside maybe be what you need to do*

Try to remember to avoid common trigger, hunger and sleepiness. with keeping these needs addressed you can avoid many many melt downs.

Love is important, love is not conditional on good behavior. Love should always be 100% unconditional  The statement. ” I love you but….” should be wiped from your vocabulary. There should never be a condition on the love you have for your child. Your child does not rule you, nor do you rule your child. You are equals but you are given the privilege of rearing this individual. You are a guide in a big scary world, you are supposed to be the safe place that they can return to when the world rears it’s big ugly head.

Toddler temper tantrums are not fun for anyone. They are a big giant over load of information into a little brain that doesn’t know how to process them. We have the same feeling as adults but many of us have been given the tools to learn how to deal with the big stuff. Look at the tantrum as a teaching moment. While it may be driving you crazy, and you just want them to listen to you, remember they are still young. They don’t come programmed, you have to teach inspire and guide your child.

2012 What a year!

What a year 🙂 So much has happened in our little family is the last year.
Thinking back and reflecting on 2012. Cael celebrated his first birthday and has learned so many things. He can walk, talk use a spoon, fork and a cup. He is so full of fun and it has been an amazing time,
In April a series of events lead Hubby to getting surgery on his ankle for a bone infection, that I guess he has had for years. We are so lucky that it was finally diagnosed and the issue has been solved. So happy that he has been pain free since then, which hopefully means no more flare ups.

Home Learning was really in full swing this year. We have gone on amazing field trips, met some amazing people and looking forward to continuing on this path for us. Damian joined beavers last year but really has gotten into it this year. I have joined on as a colony leader who who knows how long? 😉

This summer was truly amazing  it started off with the Stampede and the 100 year celebration. Damian got to ride in the parade with Great Grandpa. We also got to go to the Ponoka Stampeded with Grandpa, the boys had so much fun with that.  We we on rides, played some games and had a blast. Nothing quite like partying cowboy style!
 After a few weeks with family in Alberta we headed home to prepare for the Epic Extravaganza. What else could you call a 17 day road trip with three children across Canada and the upper USA! 4 provinces and I think 13 states we crossed while driving. We started off the trip with Hubby and mine 10 year high school reunion, and some fun on the lake. .  Saw my sisters, they both live far away from me, and their kids. Saw Hubby’s Dad & his little family,stayed with them for a few days.We went to Niagara Falls, one of my bucket list places, we even took a ride on the maid of the mist
 We stopped to see Mount Rushmore, or the “Mountain Men” as I called the last time I saw them ( I was 4 I think) Next to Yellowstone, where we got to see Old Faithful, and buffalo. At both National parks the boys worked towards their Junior Ranger badges, and still talk about them to this day.
Then we stopped in Salt Lake city  for the night to see the temple, So thrilled to be able to have been there as a member this time. Hopefully next time we go we can spend more time. We camped along the way with the children and yes the baby stayed in his cloth diapers for the trek. ( I have that many and with the stops at family I was able to do laundry )
Then fall came, back to reality….. and packing. You see before we left on the Epic Extravaganza we found a new home, A place that was going to meet our need more fully

I celebrated my birthday.I harvested my first successful garden. :)Then the move, I thankfully went off without a hitch. Next came the Damian and Ainsley’s birthdays, wow 6 & 4 I can barely believe it. November then December and I can barely believe it is over again. We have done so much this year but it still feels like 2012 just started.

I’m looking forward to 2013, I’m sure it will be amazing. We have plans and goals, I hope it works out for the best 🙂

Does post Christmas get you down?

The presents are opened. Thank yous are exchanged. The turkey dinner is done. The friends and family have gone home There should be a feeling of peace and happiness from everyone. Tis the season of good tiddings and all!

But there isn’t     😦

The phenomenon that I have heard referred to as  “The Christmas Letdown”

There is so much build up to Christmas months of prep hours shopping. Time spent decorating and planning, all leading up to one day. The when it is done….. now what?

Often I heard people say “never again”. Though the reality is we are creatures of habit, we’ll do it again just like last year and the year before.

Why do we have this desire to have one day of the year filled with presents and glitz and so much stuff? Does it make us happier? Maybe for the day but how long does it last? Far too many people have stuff of Christmas day then run out boxing day and buy more stuff. Or exchange what you didn’t like to get something better.

Then you have stuff. Does the stuff make you happy? Does it fill you life with joy? Maybe it does for for now but in a week will it still be the best thing ever?

Small and simple Christmas

We really worked hard on decreasing the stuff this year. We didn’t make a big deal over Christmas stuff we focused on what was important, FAMILY. It may have been just us but it was one of the best days we have had in awhile. I didn’t stress over a fancy dinner, we had meatloaf.

We kept gifts to a minimum and they were mostly useful gifts, books, watches, blankets, PJ’s and a few small toys. Honestly unwrapping was done in like 45 minutes. The kids were happy they got what they had wanted. I suppose I’m lucky that they didn’t want much. ( definitely an advantage to no TV and homeschooling 🙂 )
We are fortunate that our families are very understanding about our desire to keep the stuff to a minimum. They understand our desire for memories and quality over quantity. 🙂

Do I feel a sadness that Christmas is over? No. Why not? Because other then a few extra presents, snow and Christmas carols, and a tree we didn’t do really anything major. Christmas will come again and I will continue to keep it stress free.

Time spent together is better then money spent on each other

Maybe next year there will be a big dinner but I don’t get stressed about having people over either. I enjoy good tidings and fun.

Avoid the Christmas let down by keeping things normal and keep your focus on what is important. The stuff isn’t, the people and memories are!

The Power of Kindness

Have you ever thoughts about the real power of kindness? How being truly kind, without motive, can not only empower yourself but those around you? How simple kind acts can turn someone’s day around?

You yourself are a wonderful and powerful individual who can do so very much. Your words and your actions hold much more power then you realize. The way you treat you, yourself and those around you shape who you are and who you appear to be.

Kindness is something that seems to be lacking in this world unfortunately and it is sad. For some people it is a hard thing to do. Some people are naturally kind to others, while  for some it takes honest effort.

Sometimes ,I understand it is hard to out stretch a hand to someone who you think is bad or wrong.  Though that where your real character shows through, when you help the least of us. When you help someone when there is no benefit to you.

The power of kindness is amazing. It can do amazing things! It can really have a domino effect on our lives if we just let it. If we let ourselves be kind and accept kindness.

Thankful Thursday ~~~~~ My Children

So cliche isn’t it? I’m thankful for my kids, it is such an easy one to come up with. It is an easy go to when counting your blessings.

But why?

Why am I thankful for my boys?

Let me tell you why.

They bring me joy even in the darkest moments.
They love me always and unconditionally
Their smiles lights up my world
They help me realize who I should be
They are wonderful examples
They are helpful
They are honest
They have fulfilled my dreams in so many ways

The Rights of a Child

Today is National Child Day. Today we celebrate the rights of children.

Canada’s national “Child Day” is held November 20th each year as enacted in Bill C-371, otherwise known as the  Child Day Act, by the Parliament of Canada in 1993.
It commemorates the United Nations adoption of two landmark documents concerned with the human rights of all children and youths.
On “Child Day”, Canadians honour our children and The United Nations Declaration on the Rights of The Child  on November 20th, 1959, and the The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child  on November 20th, 1989.
The Convention spells out the basic human rights to which children (under the age of 18) everywhere are entitled.
The purpose of Child Day is to promote awareness about the Convention to Canadians .
It is also a day to support Canadian children’s rights by voicing your concerns about Canadian children’s rights violations to the politicians of Canada and to educate our children about their rights and responsibilities.
All children have rights. More then just basic rights of food, water and shelter. Children have  the right to being cared for in a loving and understanding home, whether that be with the parents or another designated home. They have the right to social security, to grow and develop in health. I love that there are so many rights put out for our children to keep them safe and equal human beings in this world.
I feel that there are a few things more for me personally that children have rights to!
I believe all children have the right to the best food for their health, even in infancy. Yes I mean human milk, if you can’t produce it there are other ways. I believe that a child owns their body, all of it even from the time they are born, they have a right to not have their bodies modified, unless truly medically necessary  I believe children have a right to be equal with all other human beings, they are not less because they are little. I believe that children have the right to be children. That means they can play, laugh, climb trees and snuggle. They have the right to learn their emotions, it is a big job and they need your loving kindness. 
Children are wonderful little gifts.  They are innocent precious souls. How you treat them will form how the new generation will be. While you must fill their rights laid out by the UN, remember to fill their rights are a person, as you expect your right to be filled.