Elias James – A HBAC birth story

Given that today is E’s 1st Birthday I figured I would finally get around to writing out his birth story.

It was a snowy day, I was thrilled. We really don’t get much snow here on the West Coast. It just rains a LOT, there are many types of rain and I was wanting more of the frozen fluffy variety. I had visions of have the baby by the Christmas tree with snow falling softly in the background. I really didn’t think today was going to be the day, I had hoped the baby would arrive 5 days earlier on the 15, just to give a bit more distance from Christmas.

In the morning my Grandma had gone outside to shovel the front walk, and the older three were helping her. I stood watching from the upper floor window. thinking I should go help but knowing that my pregnant body would not hold up to it.1476211_10152067370925042_1113720901_n

I continued to wander around the house trying to figure out a way to keep myself busy. I decided the best course of action was to go out side and get some pictures of the kids in our rare snow day. I bundled my self up as much as I could and headed out. Taking pictures of course turned into a snowball fight and making snow angels

DSCF2206

We of course had to get a picture of my rounded self. Not knowing it would be one of the last ones of me pregnant.

After some snow fun we had some lunch and then it was time for a nap as both C and I were tired. I know Grandma went down for a nap as well. The bigger boys headed downstairs to watch some TV.  Here is when things began to get started.

I remember about 2pm waking up to a sudden though of  “GET OUT OF THE BED NOW!” I got up and rushed to the bathroom as fast as my waddley self could go. Once I got the en suite toilet I knew something didn’t feel quite right. I drooped my pants as fast as I couldDSCF2208 and assumed the position. GUSH Yup there she goes, a bust of amniotic fluid. My plug had gone a day or two before so there was no surprise here. I was pretty sure things were going to go into gear from here. I didn’t want to wake the sleeping house though so I called my Doula and let her know what was going on. After talking we had decided to see how things are progressing and she would get her affairs in order so that she could head over. I then sent my hubby probably the most interesting text. Thankfully he actually was on high alert and checking his phone at this time. ( He doesn’t most of the time)

The text- Are you committed to working the rest of your day? Really who asks their husband that? Clearly I was kinda going into my birth space at this point because that is just not a normal thing to ask, when your waters have release and you are having regular birthing waves. Alas that is the question I asked.  His response was one to question what I was talking about and to quickly call me. I explained that my waters had released about 45 minutes prior and things were kinda getting started. I then asked him again if he wanted to come home. He naturally made the wise choice to cancel the rest of his day and was home in about 7 minutes.

When he arrived I still hadn’t told anyone in the house that things had started. Grandma was still having her nap and none the wiser. With David’s arrival it was clear that something was going on to the everyone else, because why else would he be home 4 -5 hours early. David came to the bedroom to find me where I was still keeping things together for the most part but things were definitely getting more intense. I had him start getting the pool ready as we were having a waterbirth at home with this baby.  Now here the exact series of events get kinda hazy I’m pretty sure David had the pool set up before I had him me to the living room so I could start listening to my birthing time hypnobabies soundtrack. He may have been doing that while I was listening but those details don’t really matter. I know by about 4 or 4:30 David had called our doula back to know that things were definitely going and she needed to get here quickly. I just know she showed up at one point.  Remember being glad that she was there because I was getting done with listening to my track and I wanted her to tell me I could stop doing it now. ( Our doula was also our hypnobabies instructor)

Shortly after she arrived I remember something being decided that i needed to go to the bathroom. I hadn’t been since my water release a few hours previous. I’m pretty sure my hallways was longer than it had ever been, they tricked me somehow and took me through a fun house maze maybe. But either way we got there and whoa doodle movement made things get moving. I’m not sure how long we were there it may have been 10 minutes or longer. I felt like a long time but not at the same time. It is crazy how your perception is so wonked out when you are in the moment.  Anyways after that experience I then wanted back in the living room. I wanted to see my Christmas tree and see if things were the way I liked it. I couldn’t walk by myself at this point because things were so intense. My hubby and doula then got me all set up with my ball and a chair for support. That way I didn’t fall off the ball. Which is something I do when I am in fully control of my body, let’s not take chances while my primal self is in control.

DSCF2212

At one point C brought me some rubber duckies to hold. They were really the best things for me because I could squeeze them with every wave.

DSCF2216

On our way back to the living room I had asked David to start getting the water in the tub because I was ready to get in.  This is where a series of funny little events happened. I sat there watching David get the water filled and I saw that he had forgotten to put the liner in. It took me awhile to put together the words to tell him that he had forgotten it. By the time I did there was an inch or so of water in the bottom of the pool. so cue dumping water and getting a liner in place 🙂

After awhile I asked when I could get in thing were really starting to feel very intense. I don’t tend to be super vocal and the environment was very peaceful. I was calm but I was starting to doubt myself. ( which should have been a clear indicator that we were almost done)

When It was finally time for me to get into the pool it was quite the process. Both David and our doula had to help up to standing, which prompted another release of waters.  then out of the clothes I was wearing. Two steps another birthing wave and then another two to get me to the pool. I was then assisted into the pool. The water felt lovely. I often use baths for a method of relaxation and this was so wonderful.

Things happened very fast at this point. I had a birthing wave but it was not the same intensity as they had previously been. I relaxed back into the pool edge, sinking into a level of peaceful bliss. I was aware of things going on around me  but they didn’t simply matter at all. I’m pretty sure something could have been burning down and I would have smiled in peace. Speaking of burning, next came a slight burning sensation, I thought to myself. “huh? this just maybe the ring of fire the people speak of “. The thought that followed was ” how do I know I am dilated enough?” Oh had I forgot to mention there was no midwife in attendance? Yeah we weren’t really into that sort of thing this time around. More on that later. Or you can go back to last year and see the issues surrounding that. 🙂

So back to the topic at hand. as I lay there contemplating how my body was actually doing its job in birthing a baby. I decided I should let everyone in on what was happening. As the next wave hit I rolled to my side and announced that the baby was coming.  There was a flurry of activity, as the bigger boys were downstairs and had expressed that they wanted to be present for the birth. The video camera was on and children were called. D wanted to video the birth C DSCF2234thought he should as well, thus a fight had to ensue. My rock awesome doula came up with a solution and had a little battery-powered candle that C  got to hold for mommy.  I was hearing most of the goings on but was pretty much numb to it.  I really had my own thing going on.

I remember telling Dave that I think the baby is coming and that the head was there. He checked and then I am pretty sure I told him to not touch the baby. One more wave and out he came. David assisted me in getting the baby as I was up on my knees and wanted to sit back. Out he came from the water and he was a healthy screaming baby boy. WOW 4 boys for us. How blessed are we 🙂 He was born about 7:10 pm, 5 hours after my waters had released and 3 1/2 hours after the birthing waves really began to kick in. DSCF2256

We then decided to call the midwives now that the baby was born and the birth couldn’t be interfered with. I snuggled my sweet baby boy in the water for quite some time after. He latched and started nursing within about 5 minutes of his birth.  after about 20 or so minutes it was decided that I needed to get out of the pool. I had tried but was unable to move. I think my body was pretty exhausted from the butt whooping that it just got from a very fast birthing time. I had David pretty much pick me and the baby up out of the pool and we headed to the bedroom where I then birthed the placenta 20 is minutes later and I could rest.

DSCF2280

The baby and I remained connected until the placenta delivery and then after we separated him from the placenta. Mostly just because I was worried about the older boys knocking it over and making a mess. I was then able to lay back and rest a bit. My wonderful doula kept my hydrated and nourished with water and dates all they time. It was like she knew I needed stuff before I did. It was wonderful to have such a help.

Unfortunately my body it had scar tissue from my first two births and I torn again so that needed to be fixed. I think that is why I felt the need to have the midwife in attendance. The stitching was a very interesting and educational component for little boys who  felt that they had to be part of everything. There were some things said and statements that made everyone laugh. Needless to say I don’t think they will be shocked when their future wives have babies of their own. Thankfully it was an easy one and she was able to get things done right there.  We then weighed our little monkey. 8 pounds! Bigger than his last brother but smaller than the biggest two

DSCF2294After all was said and done The midwife was present for maybe about 2 hours most of it being paperwork. My doula left after about 2 hours post birth I think. Then it was time to settle everyone down for rest for the night.  I stayed in bed and life was really quite wonderful no one moving disturbing me or anything. I just got to relax in the comfort of my own home after my baby.

For the record my Doula was Gina Snyder of Truly Pure Birth. If you live in the GVRD and are having a homebirth you should use her.

Pregnancy and Birth Facts ( Facebook status game )

Have you seen the pregnancy and birth fact games going around? It is where you post them about your pregnancy and birth and people who like your status will be given a number to do their own. Well I figured that since so much stuff gets lost in the great Facebook world I would post them here as well.

I’ll do 8 for each pregnancy and birth;

Damian(7 years )
1- Had my first known miscarriage and then  conceived D 2 weeks after. This ensued a lot of questions about his date.
2- I had a major sweet tooth through this pregnancy. I love Reese peanut butter anything
3- I had food poisoning after eating too many hotdogs while camping at 27 week. This is when I learned I’m sensitive to IV gravol. I get stoned for hours- 16 hours after that was the best cup of mandarin oranges, a metal spoon and my nose. ( my hubby still laughs about this)
4- We went out for Indian for the first time at 32 weeks. I had heartburn from that moment till birth
5- A long walk and sex got things kicked into gear at 39+6. ( my closest to EDD )
6- D was my OP baby, it sucked, I subcombed to a bit of drugs.  Wish I would have had a Doula to help with different positions.
7- I ended up with a 3-4 degree tear due to the Doc needing to change her shoes so I had to wait even though my body was trying to birth a baby.
8- I was so thrilled that he was a boy. I had felt that way his entire pregnancy

Bonus fun fact- When the OB/Gyn was doing my stitching I yelled at her in my gas induced state that “I was not her f-ing sewing project, I was going to be back in 2 years to have my baby girl” Missed by a day and had a boy ( D Oct 18/06 A Oct 19/08)

Ainsley (5 years)
1- I had major nausea, lost 20 lbs in the first trimester.
2- Heartburn from 20 weeks till birth. I joked I was going to give birth to sasquatch. He was the hairiest baby, even his ear had long hair.
3- This was my most supported birth ( to this point ) I had two doulas, my hubby and best friend.
4- In the middle of active labour my BFF asked why I wasn’t screaming and flipping out ( aka hollywood) I simply looked at her and told her that ” I choose this for myself it takes two to tango” In the middle of a  contraction.
5- I was a pain in the nurses ass. I didn’t want to do anything to make their job easier. They wanted to check me the could do it around what I was doing. They put in the stupid IV port while I was on the birthing ball
6- He has a nuchal cord pretty tight around his neck. Gave me a scare seeing as he took a bit to transition to this world and no one was telling me anything
7- Even though I had thought ( read wanted, my intuition keep telling me different ) he was going to be a girl it took me over an hour of holding him and talking to him to realize he was not a girl. I knew he was a boy and spoke to him as a boy but hadn’t realized that him being a boy meant he wasn’t a girl.
8- My MIL said the most insensitive thing to me after his birth ” At least the boys look alike so we know the dads are the same” I think that is when I started having the biggest issues with her.

Cael ( 2 1/2 years)
1- This first time I had decided to plan a homebirth.
2- nausea and heart burn were pretty much my only issues I think I threw up 3 times
3- I had major pelvic girdle pain, so much it hurt to walk
4-I learned that no matter how much you plan if you let people get into your head that 3rd babies are tougher and the a homebirth may not work, that it can be very bad for your birthing time
5- I had midwives that didn’t have time for me or my birth. I think it contributed a lot to my transfer and c-section
6- My c-section was the most traumatic event in my life to date. I felt I had no choice becasue no one was talking to me, and I didn’t know what questions to ask. I  thought my choices were my life and risk baby if I was to continue or risk mine ( major surgery) in order to save my baby. I choose to save my baby. I was crying so hard I could barely read the consent form through the tears
7- I made a choice in recovery that I could stay there and  feel sorry for myself or I could get the F -out of there get my baby and never let anyone hurt us again. I came out stripped us both down and spent the next 5 days skin to skin with him in the hospital bedsharing and being a pain in the ass. ( I wouldn’t fill out their forms or anything I just wanted all the medical staff to leave me along unless I needed something from them.
8- There ended up being no medical reason for why the surgery was needed. They ran tests and all sorts of stuff and nothing came back. I very much believe it came down to stuff that was given to me to help tone things up ( herbal induction ) and a team who didn’t have time for my birth ( she had a test in the morning)

Baby Sweet Pea ( TBA )
1- I decided I was going into this with power and informed choice
2- I am planning a homebirth, it may end up being a UC depending on how I’m feeling about it at the moment
3- Even if Midwives are in attendance at my birth. It is MY birth and they will touch me and my baby only with permission. I’m planning to free birth with a very hands off approach
4- I have been very sick this pregnancy. While I didn’t lose much weight this time I have barely been able to eat and would vomit most things till 30 weeks. I still have limited vomiting and nausea and heartburn to this day.
5- I have chosen to take Hypnobabies, hire a doula and be more emotionally prepared this time around.
6- I have had pre birthing time for about 2 weeks now and I’m tired.
7-We are really hoping that the baby will be here this weekend
8- It seems the general consensus is that this little one will be a girl and as much as I would love a little girl the idea terrifies me a fair amount.

Being a squeaky wheel

The squeaky wheel gets heard.

When I wrote the other week about the challenges I was going through with the prenatal care and the respecting of my birth choices.( you can read about it here ) I was in a place of an almost limbo, I had made my choice of where I was birthing but I still didn’t know how care was going to happen for me. I knew what I was needing to do for me and my baby. I felt knowledgeable and safe with my choice and I was really just looking for some back up to go with it.

The unfortunate issue really was not really safety, which is what they tried to sell me on to start with. It was politics and possibly someone making sure they get their share of the money. That is not where the medical system should be making choices for birthing women but alas that is where we sat. So I decided to do something about it. Talking with different midwives wasn’t getting me anywhere, so I choose to go higher. I went to the College of Midwives of BC. I got myself informed about policies, procedures and standards of care. I decided to become a thorn in the side of my local midwifery group. Now this really is something I never thought I would do. Sure I like to stir the pot and stand up for others rights but I have never spearheaded my own quest. And I was on a quest, I was on a quest to have my informed choice rights respected. I was on a quest to be free to birth my baby at home regardless of my previous births. I had my information and I started making connections. I began to learn about other women who were not respected and their choices were made for them, not for safety but for archaic policies that have been debunked. ( nothing by mouth, clock watching, consistent monitoring)

So I sent an e-mail to a few people and the initial response was less than supportive. Like I said in the previous post. They were able to stop and limit midwifery but they didn’t have a standard of care that everyone had to follow in regards to birthplace choice. I was enraged and angry I didn’t understand how they could do this to women. It is worth mentioning that midwifery has only been regulated in BC for the past 20 or so years. They put some wonderful women through the ringer because of this regulations and limits that they placed.

Then I went to my next midwife appointment, honestly I went in prepared to fight for my rights. I had all my ducks in a row I had all of their Standard of care and Code of Ethics printed. I had studies, I was prepared. Well pretty much. I still had a knot in my stomach because I hate confrontation but I felt strongly about this. I wasn’t just fighting for me and my baby any more I was fighting for the women in my area who just like me were being held down due to a scar.

The first few minutes of the appointment were a bit awkward. Then it happened, we started to talk about what the plans were. My anxiety spiked and I was ready, hubby held my hand as we waited for what they were going to say. Then she told us that they would attend my HBAC ( homebirth after a cesarean) While they were not necessarily endorsing this, they felt that it was a safer and better option for me. Both hubby and I were flabberghasted, I’m pretty sure my jaw hit the ground. They didn’t give much for reason just that they felt that they needed to respect my choices. There was some talk of reason that I would choose to transfer, which are only if truly medically necessary.

We were delighted and shocked. It has been a long road to get to this point. There has been tears and frustration. There have been moments when I wished December would never come. Though now I have learned that if you believe in something and you know it is right you have to fight for it. Change can not be made when you sit idly by hoping some one else will do it. So for now we have our support back up plan but we also have our comfort level of knowing, our baby this time will come into the world in a much more respected manner.

Politics, policy and other BS

” All that matters is a healthy baby.” This statement strikes guilt through a mom that is suffering trauma from her birth. Birth trauma is a very real thing. Often it involves losing control, having procedures done to you without consent, and doctors and midwives who have a different agenda than the birth mother. There are times when things change and things happen but how you are treated can greatly affect how you feel. Being respected in choices that are beyond your control, having someone talk to you in a respectful manner, as opposed to being treated like a less being.

Birth is a very raw and real time for families. It is a time where you are literally sitting at the cusp of life and death. It can be magical and wonderful, or it can be terrifying and traumatic. Birth is a very normal and natural thing but it does come with risks for everyone. Know one knows how any one birth will go, you just jump in when it’s time and go for the ride of your life. It is much easier to survive and come out unscathed if you are respected and feel safe.

With the birth of our fourth child coming up soon, the birthing time is very much on our minds. This is our final planned child and we would like this birth to be a healing and joyous experience. Unfortunately we are hitting road blocks along our way that is leaving us to change what our original plan was. Unfortunately I am not really sure why these road blocks are in place, as I can’t seem to get a real straight answer.

Now I understand that there are some concerns and questions in the medical mind about this pregnancy for me. This is going to be my first baby after having a caesarean section with my third child. Apparently in the community that I live in that leaves me ineligible to have a home birth. Our problem with this is surrounding communities will attend a HBAC ( home birth after cesarean ) but mine wont. They used to but now they wont and no one will give me a straight answer as to why. I have heard many different answers, but none are really what I feel to be a valid answer. They work as answers but they really fall more into the cop out range for answers. So I went with the next logical choice when I can’t get an answer from the practitioners I went to their governing body and asked them for a policy or reasoning. I really thought that a governing body that is paid and regulated would have some sort of concrete out lined list of requirements. I thought that said governing body since they are always saying what a midwife can’t do and where her scope end would also say where her scope is and require them to fall within it. Guess what? I was wrong.

I had decided to try and connect with the College’s ” Quality Assurance and Clinical Practice Policy Director”. I figured she would be the best person to speak with seeing as my questions were well within her title, so it should be in her job description. I simply sent her an e-mail a week ago and this was that e-mail.

Hello

I am a mother to three children and expecting my 4th in a few months time. I am writing this to inquire what the Colleges standards and policies regard a homebirth after 1 c-section. I have two previous uncomplicated hospital vaginal births before my third child which resulted in an unknown tachycardia in both mom and baby, resulting in a c-section. With testing that was done following the birth I have had an OB state that there was no reason to repeat c-section. 

The main reason I am writing this to the college is after looking through the Colleges page. I have read the code of ethics and the standards of practice. As well I have read the study that you actually have on VBAC’s listed. Also I have talked with various midwives, and been hitting walls within communication. I feel that I am getting conflicting information on the policy of a homebirth within regulations. I desire a homebirth for my 4th and final child and I wish for a clear stated communication about what is required by the College and if there is some informed choice policy that can help me reach my desired birth. I understand it is the College of midwifery’s goal to give women freedom in their birthing and I feel that I am not receiving this model of care. I am being spoken to strictly in fear and limited information thus not actually allowing my my rights to informed choice. 

If you can please get back to me I would like to progress in my planning and preparing for this birth. I do not wish to cause issues but I do desire that my rights be respected. 

The response I got back was a bit unexpected actually. I thought they would just send me some paperwork, that outlined a policy and to do with it as I please. Instead they wanted my contact info so they could speak with me.. I figured this could be a good thing they want to know more so they can set this right and allowed the informed choice right that I have in my birth. Once again I was wrong.  Being wrong really stinks.

So I gave them my info and she called me. Luckily it was during C’s naptime so I had time to talk without being too interrupted.  I explained to her a bit further about the fact that the community I was living in was refusing to respect my informed choice and attend my birth at my home. Unfortunately I didn’t have a recording device to put the entire conversation out there. Though here is the summary, and then my thoughts on each point.

  •  You need to respect your midwife and her comfort levels ( while this is understandable. What about MY comfort levels? I am the paying client, don’t we need to respect me?)
  • You can always find another caregiver. Or travel to a city where they will attend you.( This sounds wonderful and like the option I would be going for except in my community there is no one who will attend. I tried this already, I got shut down. I don’t have anywhere else to go to see a midwife, it’s not like I have a secret house somewhere. The other option is to rent a hotel room, the time of year doesn’t exactly allow for a bunch of freedom in this. I also feel that travelling to a different city in a different home kinda defeats the purpose of staying home. )
  • We can’t force a midwife to attend a HBAC. It is up to them and their community as to how they want to attend births ( Okay so you can regulate and tell women who have been doing midwifery for years what they can’t do and take their career away. Though you can’t have the group that you have specially selected to be midwives to follow the woman’s’ right to informed choice about her birth? )
  • You need to keep communication lines open. If they still wont attend then find a different provider. ( I have been keeping the lines open. Apparently I wasn’t very clear though, I’m talking and no one seems to care)
  • Ultimately everyone needs to be safe and comfortable. ( I didn’t really understand this statement, to be completely honest. I just felt like I was being dismissed)
Through out the conversation she kept telling me to just change providers. I really felt like she didn’t care about the situation or the facts that are going on. I felt like I was getting lip service from the people that are supposed to be creating and upholding a standard of care for midwives. Finally at the end she did tell me that there is a form that we can work though. It is for when a client is refusing recommended care, but then she said that my midwife might not even know about the document?!?!? I fund it very odd, I will be e-mailing her to get a copy of this document so that I have it, just in case. She also told me to bring copies of the Standard of Care, Code of Ethics and the study on VBAC’s on the college’s page. This honestly really made me wonder what is going on within this governing board. If I need to be bringing these things into my midwife. Shouldn’t she be fully aware of their policies and procedures?
So now I sit with a few options in my corner and I know what we are likely going to do and we are comfortable with our choice. My fight is feeling now more for women who don’t realize they can fight for their choices. That having a surgery does not always limit your choices. That we as women and people have rights to informed choices about our birth and that we are allowed to make those choices. We don’t have to let doctors or midwives decide our and our babies birth. We have a voice and we can stand up. I’m tired of being held down and I’m going to do this the way I feel that will be best for me and my baby.

Project Doula

I think that Doula’s are one of the most under use birth tools out there. They are a wonderful tool for any birthing mother or couple out there. Now often doula’s are misunderstood and people have no idea how they can actually help you. Doula’s are not midwives and midwives or doctors do not replace a doula. This is an important thing to clarify right of the get go. They are very different professions and they have very different jobs.

I didn’t have a doula with my first. Honestly I didn’t know they existed. I didn’t know a lot of things when I had my first. ( more on that in a later post ) I had my husband and my grandmother there, they were both wonderfully supportive of me. Though with only a loose birth plan, not knowing my rights of informed choice, and a medical staff that refused to listen to a first time mom. Let’s just say some stuff happened and I’m not happy with how I was treated.

With my second I had a team of doula’s. They were wonderful ladies who were essential to my birth being more respected than my first. They took notes and pictures, massaged me. Lifted me up when I was feeling like I couldn’t do it anymore. Along with them was my husband and my best friend. I can honestly say it was my best birth of the three. There was still some things done that were not consented to but I’m feeling it was just part of being in the hospital.With my third I had a doula but due to the circumstances surrounding the birth she was not much of an asset. Things happened to fast and with a transfer to the hospital due to health related concerns she walked into turmoil. I don’t fault her as no one knew what was going on and I was in such emotional upheaval that I barely noticed her and don’t know what, if anything she said to me.

With my fourth I am planning a very different birth experience. I’m going into this as a  empowered woman with tool and the belief in herself. and her capabilities. I have found a doula who respects birth in it’s most natural form. She trusts the natural process and she believe in the woman’s ability to birth. I know that she is supportive of my choices and I know she will stand by me as I advocate for my rights. I may almost go as far as saying I love her.

Having a doula that will blend well with you and respect your space is most important. This person needs to be trusted, as they will be with you in your most primal and vulnerable state.  They will often be with you more than your care provider, having a front seat to all the goings on in the birthing space. You doula will remain a part of your birth forever and hopefully they will be a wonderful peaceful part of it.

Did you have a doula? Do you want a doula?

Wanting to add….

We want to grow our family by another baby. Yes that would put us up to four children. I don’t know when this next baby is going to come. I’m hoping spring/summer of next year, but that seems like it might not be in the design of things at the moment.

I suppose I am one of those fortunate women who while breastfeeding I don’t ovulate. It has been nearly 17 months and still nothing. I know our next baby is waiting and will come in time. I know that the timing will be right for our family. It may not be what I want when I want but it will be what is needed.

I get a LOT of people asking me if we are going for the girl? For some reason people seem to think that because I have all boys, that the only reason to have another child is to have the other gender. It’s not we want to add to our family. We love our children each and everyone of them. This is not because they are boys, it is because they are wonderful individuals. I love each of them for who they are. Sure a girl might be fun but so would another boys. I’m not really particular on which I get. I will love my child regard less. Hopefully next year we can welcome a new addition. I will do random posts on our Trying To Conceive ( TTC) adventure.

How I became and AP mom?

You know it is funny? When I looked towards my parenting life while I was pregnant with Damian Attachment Parenting(AP) wasn’t even on my radar. I hadn’t even heard of it honestly. I did not come from an AP background, so it wasn’t a style I was even familiar with. I knew a few things that I wanted. I wanted to breastfeed my child and I had no desire for surgery or a giant needle in my back. Now it seems to be everywhere, papers, magazine and the talk of the mommy world. If you have never heard of AP, you can read about it on Attachment Parenting International. They have 8 basic principles.-Prepare for pregnancy, birth and parenting
-Feed with love and respect
-Respond with sensitivity
-Use nurturing touch
-Ensure safe sleep, emotionally and physically
-Provide consistent and loving care
-Practice positive discipline
-Strive for balance in personal and family life.

Now coming to this mind set came pretty easily to me. Damian’s birth was pretty good and it ended up going okay.Ainsley’s was amazing for me. Cael’s was a difficult birth but I prepared for it as best I could.  I knew I wanted to breastfeed my son. I wasn’t going to let anything stop me, including his awful latch. I had the milk we just needed to figure it out. It came in time and we had a great nursing relationship till  he chose to wean. I continue to have a nursing relationahip with Bobo and lil Squish, and it will continue till they are done or it is no longer mutually desireable.
Safe sleep for us is a combination of co-sleeping and bed sharing. We have an open bed policy for our older children as they are in their own beds now. Damian and Ainsley share a bedroom  with each other and up until recently would share a bed. They expressed interest in having their own little beds. They do share a bed when we travel and do well with it. I find it keeps them happier when they are kept together, they seem to have less stress in new situations which is a big thing for Ainsley.
When dealing with our children we try very hard to always be loving and sensitive. they are bundles of emotions and feelings, they need guidance on how to deal with everything going on. Now it is definitely not always easy to be loving and sensitive when dealing with issues, but it is doable. When we falter and are harsh , we will apologize to our children. Apologizing to your child allows them to see that you too make mistakes, and that is okay. It is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of strength.
When it comes to positive discipline this is an on going work for us. I know I don’t want to be the kind of parent that my child feared. I wanted love and understanding in my home. Now getting here is coming along. We reall try to refrain from using physical punishment with the boys. We are not always perfect and we do think that there are times when a swat on the rear has happened. I hate  this maybe it’s the way we were raised, I just don’t know what to do sometimes. This is my major failing point.
I look for balance in my life. I seek methods to give balance just sometimes it is so hard to do. Mostly it is my personal life that suffers. I keep putting into my family that I do nothing for me and I breakdown. This is not a good thing. I still need to find balance. but I am working on it.

So honestly I kinda fell into the AP thing I had these ideas and then I found out that there were others like me. I still am different from some AP moms, but I really think different is good. My kids don’t suffer from me learning different ways to care for them. I always am looking to improve my parenting skills. I want my kids to be the most functional people they can be. I want them to think I want them to ask questions. I don’t don’t want them to live in fear. I want them to know they are loved.