Elias James – A HBAC birth story

Given that today is E’s 1st Birthday I figured I would finally get around to writing out his birth story.

It was a snowy day, I was thrilled. We really don’t get much snow here on the West Coast. It just rains a LOT, there are many types of rain and I was wanting more of the frozen fluffy variety. I had visions of have the baby by the Christmas tree with snow falling softly in the background. I really didn’t think today was going to be the day, I had hoped the baby would arrive 5 days earlier on the 15, just to give a bit more distance from Christmas.

In the morning my Grandma had gone outside to shovel the front walk, and the older three were helping her. I stood watching from the upper floor window. thinking I should go help but knowing that my pregnant body would not hold up to it.1476211_10152067370925042_1113720901_n

I continued to wander around the house trying to figure out a way to keep myself busy. I decided the best course of action was to go out side and get some pictures of the kids in our rare snow day. I bundled my self up as much as I could and headed out. Taking pictures of course turned into a snowball fight and making snow angels

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We of course had to get a picture of my rounded self. Not knowing it would be one of the last ones of me pregnant.

After some snow fun we had some lunch and then it was time for a nap as both C and I were tired. I know Grandma went down for a nap as well. The bigger boys headed downstairs to watch some TV.  Here is when things began to get started.

I remember about 2pm waking up to a sudden though of  “GET OUT OF THE BED NOW!” I got up and rushed to the bathroom as fast as my waddley self could go. Once I got the en suite toilet I knew something didn’t feel quite right. I drooped my pants as fast as I couldDSCF2208 and assumed the position. GUSH Yup there she goes, a bust of amniotic fluid. My plug had gone a day or two before so there was no surprise here. I was pretty sure things were going to go into gear from here. I didn’t want to wake the sleeping house though so I called my Doula and let her know what was going on. After talking we had decided to see how things are progressing and she would get her affairs in order so that she could head over. I then sent my hubby probably the most interesting text. Thankfully he actually was on high alert and checking his phone at this time. ( He doesn’t most of the time)

The text- Are you committed to working the rest of your day? Really who asks their husband that? Clearly I was kinda going into my birth space at this point because that is just not a normal thing to ask, when your waters have release and you are having regular birthing waves. Alas that is the question I asked.  His response was one to question what I was talking about and to quickly call me. I explained that my waters had released about 45 minutes prior and things were kinda getting started. I then asked him again if he wanted to come home. He naturally made the wise choice to cancel the rest of his day and was home in about 7 minutes.

When he arrived I still hadn’t told anyone in the house that things had started. Grandma was still having her nap and none the wiser. With David’s arrival it was clear that something was going on to the everyone else, because why else would he be home 4 -5 hours early. David came to the bedroom to find me where I was still keeping things together for the most part but things were definitely getting more intense. I had him start getting the pool ready as we were having a waterbirth at home with this baby.  Now here the exact series of events get kinda hazy I’m pretty sure David had the pool set up before I had him me to the living room so I could start listening to my birthing time hypnobabies soundtrack. He may have been doing that while I was listening but those details don’t really matter. I know by about 4 or 4:30 David had called our doula back to know that things were definitely going and she needed to get here quickly. I just know she showed up at one point.  Remember being glad that she was there because I was getting done with listening to my track and I wanted her to tell me I could stop doing it now. ( Our doula was also our hypnobabies instructor)

Shortly after she arrived I remember something being decided that i needed to go to the bathroom. I hadn’t been since my water release a few hours previous. I’m pretty sure my hallways was longer than it had ever been, they tricked me somehow and took me through a fun house maze maybe. But either way we got there and whoa doodle movement made things get moving. I’m not sure how long we were there it may have been 10 minutes or longer. I felt like a long time but not at the same time. It is crazy how your perception is so wonked out when you are in the moment.  Anyways after that experience I then wanted back in the living room. I wanted to see my Christmas tree and see if things were the way I liked it. I couldn’t walk by myself at this point because things were so intense. My hubby and doula then got me all set up with my ball and a chair for support. That way I didn’t fall off the ball. Which is something I do when I am in fully control of my body, let’s not take chances while my primal self is in control.

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At one point C brought me some rubber duckies to hold. They were really the best things for me because I could squeeze them with every wave.

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On our way back to the living room I had asked David to start getting the water in the tub because I was ready to get in.  This is where a series of funny little events happened. I sat there watching David get the water filled and I saw that he had forgotten to put the liner in. It took me awhile to put together the words to tell him that he had forgotten it. By the time I did there was an inch or so of water in the bottom of the pool. so cue dumping water and getting a liner in place 🙂

After awhile I asked when I could get in thing were really starting to feel very intense. I don’t tend to be super vocal and the environment was very peaceful. I was calm but I was starting to doubt myself. ( which should have been a clear indicator that we were almost done)

When It was finally time for me to get into the pool it was quite the process. Both David and our doula had to help up to standing, which prompted another release of waters.  then out of the clothes I was wearing. Two steps another birthing wave and then another two to get me to the pool. I was then assisted into the pool. The water felt lovely. I often use baths for a method of relaxation and this was so wonderful.

Things happened very fast at this point. I had a birthing wave but it was not the same intensity as they had previously been. I relaxed back into the pool edge, sinking into a level of peaceful bliss. I was aware of things going on around me  but they didn’t simply matter at all. I’m pretty sure something could have been burning down and I would have smiled in peace. Speaking of burning, next came a slight burning sensation, I thought to myself. “huh? this just maybe the ring of fire the people speak of “. The thought that followed was ” how do I know I am dilated enough?” Oh had I forgot to mention there was no midwife in attendance? Yeah we weren’t really into that sort of thing this time around. More on that later. Or you can go back to last year and see the issues surrounding that. 🙂

So back to the topic at hand. as I lay there contemplating how my body was actually doing its job in birthing a baby. I decided I should let everyone in on what was happening. As the next wave hit I rolled to my side and announced that the baby was coming.  There was a flurry of activity, as the bigger boys were downstairs and had expressed that they wanted to be present for the birth. The video camera was on and children were called. D wanted to video the birth C DSCF2234thought he should as well, thus a fight had to ensue. My rock awesome doula came up with a solution and had a little battery-powered candle that C  got to hold for mommy.  I was hearing most of the goings on but was pretty much numb to it.  I really had my own thing going on.

I remember telling Dave that I think the baby is coming and that the head was there. He checked and then I am pretty sure I told him to not touch the baby. One more wave and out he came. David assisted me in getting the baby as I was up on my knees and wanted to sit back. Out he came from the water and he was a healthy screaming baby boy. WOW 4 boys for us. How blessed are we 🙂 He was born about 7:10 pm, 5 hours after my waters had released and 3 1/2 hours after the birthing waves really began to kick in. DSCF2256

We then decided to call the midwives now that the baby was born and the birth couldn’t be interfered with. I snuggled my sweet baby boy in the water for quite some time after. He latched and started nursing within about 5 minutes of his birth.  after about 20 or so minutes it was decided that I needed to get out of the pool. I had tried but was unable to move. I think my body was pretty exhausted from the butt whooping that it just got from a very fast birthing time. I had David pretty much pick me and the baby up out of the pool and we headed to the bedroom where I then birthed the placenta 20 is minutes later and I could rest.

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The baby and I remained connected until the placenta delivery and then after we separated him from the placenta. Mostly just because I was worried about the older boys knocking it over and making a mess. I was then able to lay back and rest a bit. My wonderful doula kept my hydrated and nourished with water and dates all they time. It was like she knew I needed stuff before I did. It was wonderful to have such a help.

Unfortunately my body it had scar tissue from my first two births and I torn again so that needed to be fixed. I think that is why I felt the need to have the midwife in attendance. The stitching was a very interesting and educational component for little boys who  felt that they had to be part of everything. There were some things said and statements that made everyone laugh. Needless to say I don’t think they will be shocked when their future wives have babies of their own. Thankfully it was an easy one and she was able to get things done right there.  We then weighed our little monkey. 8 pounds! Bigger than his last brother but smaller than the biggest two

DSCF2294After all was said and done The midwife was present for maybe about 2 hours most of it being paperwork. My doula left after about 2 hours post birth I think. Then it was time to settle everyone down for rest for the night.  I stayed in bed and life was really quite wonderful no one moving disturbing me or anything. I just got to relax in the comfort of my own home after my baby.

For the record my Doula was Gina Snyder of Truly Pure Birth. If you live in the GVRD and are having a homebirth you should use her.

Why I’m not dumping ice water on my head

So incase you have been living under a rock there is this viral thing going around on the interwebs that past few weeks. it’s an Ice Bucket challenge for ALS. It’s pretty simple you video yourself having a bucket of ice water dumped on your head or you give $100 to ALS. Pretty simple and not something I am choosing to engage in. There are several reasons but one big one is I choose not to.

In our house we donate money in places where we feel it is needed. Places that are not already getting thousands and millions of dollars. I’m going to donate to a cause that I can see my dollars and time directly benefiting. So where have we donated some money?

Before we go there little disclaimer. I’m not telling you this to get a gold star. This is our life and our choice. You can put your money where you feel it is best used. If that is ALS,  then great love, all the power to you.

We have donated to a group that is working to bring cuddle cots to our local maternity ward. You can check their Facebook group here. Cuddle cots help families who have experienced a loss of a newborn be able to spend a few moments together. With donating to this I know I am literally buying time for a family. We also donate to our local food bank, which will feed our community, our neighbours.

We choose to take our money and help where we can really help people. Yes, these big charities can help find cures or at least treatments for nasty awful diseases, but that is in the future. Right now I can help someone by sending my dollars where they are really needed, today.

So no I won’t dump ice water on my head or donate to ALS. While You may enjoy it I have no desire to perpetuate this. While I may not be popular, and a bit of a party pooper that is how it is.

Be aware this may not garner a bunch of Facebook likes, but hey that wasn’t really what we were going for, right?

The thing about depression is…

This week the world was rocked by the death of Robin Williams. He was one of those actors that people just knew about. He was EPIC! I knew in memory in our house we have been watching his movies the past few night just bringing the laughter and remembering him and not focusing on his passing. That is what really had been what his family had requested. Remember the legacy, remember the man. I have seen many tributes to his name and most of them have been wonderful. I only say most because I’m sure I haven’t seen them all so there may very well be some bad ones out there.

This moment though I am going to discuss his death. It’s uncomfortable because it wasn’t natural causes. Robin Williams committed suicide. The funny man of the world made a choice and ended his life prematurely. This fact alone has lead some people to use his death for the normal everyday anti suicide/ depression propaganda.

Propaganda, you say?!?! No one wants anyone to ever decide to take their life. We are having people here. Knowing that they can reach out. Telling them that it is okay to talk to some one. Bullocks, is what I say on you.

If you have ever been in that dark place that is depression you might understand what it feels like to want to end your life. Depression is not just something that can be fixed by sitting down and telling someone how your day is going. Depression isn’t just one thing.  Most times it is together with other mental illness. Often anxiety, angrophobia, food addiction and substance abuse, pair up with this dark monster. At times when people are telling you to reach out, often you just want them to go away. Them telling you that you need help, doesn’t feel like it comes from a place of concern but a place of judgement.

What most people don’t understand is depression isn’t just a one day or few week thing that is instantly fixed but a good chat with a friend. Depression, true real depression is a debilitating force that crushes your very soul. It is a weight on your chest feels like it crushed your last breath with every thought of how you are once again a failure. I really want people to understand how different depression is from feeling sad or having a bad day.

So really what I am trying to get at is telling someone who is experiencing sever mental trouble and you are concerned about them. Stop telling them to seek help and get it for them. Be there be a force in their lives that not only shows that you care but that you are consistent. When you are dealing with this at times having someone consistent can be a saving grace.  Stop telling someone that you will be there and actually BE there. If you are worried that someone you know may commit suicide, be there. Actually be there. The onus is on you, that other person is suffering and is not capable of rational decisions.

 

The “Frozen” agenda

By now I’m sure you have seen Frozen, or at least heard of it and one or two of the songs. Many by now have heard also about Disney’s hidden agenda, you know beastiliaty and homosexuality.  I honestly have to say I am just flabberghasted by this, yes flabberghasted. Also a wee bit pissed off. The thing is if you are looking for something you will often find it, ooh boy people have found some major issues with this movie. I will really focus more on the LGTB agenda aa the beastiliaty one is just dumb. (in my opinion anyways, does it really matter that his best friend is a reindeer? )

When I first saw a post on Frozen pushing the gay agenda, I really laughed to myself and had a major face palm moment. Really what is the purpose to dissecting movies to see how inappropriate they are, it just seems like there should be something better to do. But alas here we are, looking for the big scary agenda that is going to doom us all.

Let’s start with where I can see this actually could be some sort of hidden agenda. There is Oaken’s family. I really missed this the first time and every other time till it was pointed out to me. I still question it but hey if that is how it is then fine with me. Pretty sure I wasn’t mentally scared for the 2 seconds it was on  screen. That is about the only thing I can see as the official agenda. A whole 2 seconds… whoopie.

Now the interpreted agenda is with Elsa. You see she has this hidden secret about her, that was once enjoyed but learns that she could be a danger to others. Jeepers people that could fall under a wealth of different things. Just because she “slammed the door” doesn’t mean that she is coming out of the closet necessarily. Ever heard of the phase ” when one door closes…..”? Could just be closing the door on her life where she felt abused neglected and afraid? I think that just may be so. Now regardless of whether or not Disney had a “gay agenda” when they wrote Frozen, it doesn’t change the fact that is is a pretty flippin’ fantastic movie. It breaks the standard in a few ways and it makes you think. And, people, thinking is really okay.In fact often encouraged.

Being a squeaky wheel

The squeaky wheel gets heard.

When I wrote the other week about the challenges I was going through with the prenatal care and the respecting of my birth choices.( you can read about it here ) I was in a place of an almost limbo, I had made my choice of where I was birthing but I still didn’t know how care was going to happen for me. I knew what I was needing to do for me and my baby. I felt knowledgeable and safe with my choice and I was really just looking for some back up to go with it.

The unfortunate issue really was not really safety, which is what they tried to sell me on to start with. It was politics and possibly someone making sure they get their share of the money. That is not where the medical system should be making choices for birthing women but alas that is where we sat. So I decided to do something about it. Talking with different midwives wasn’t getting me anywhere, so I choose to go higher. I went to the College of Midwives of BC. I got myself informed about policies, procedures and standards of care. I decided to become a thorn in the side of my local midwifery group. Now this really is something I never thought I would do. Sure I like to stir the pot and stand up for others rights but I have never spearheaded my own quest. And I was on a quest, I was on a quest to have my informed choice rights respected. I was on a quest to be free to birth my baby at home regardless of my previous births. I had my information and I started making connections. I began to learn about other women who were not respected and their choices were made for them, not for safety but for archaic policies that have been debunked. ( nothing by mouth, clock watching, consistent monitoring)

So I sent an e-mail to a few people and the initial response was less than supportive. Like I said in the previous post. They were able to stop and limit midwifery but they didn’t have a standard of care that everyone had to follow in regards to birthplace choice. I was enraged and angry I didn’t understand how they could do this to women. It is worth mentioning that midwifery has only been regulated in BC for the past 20 or so years. They put some wonderful women through the ringer because of this regulations and limits that they placed.

Then I went to my next midwife appointment, honestly I went in prepared to fight for my rights. I had all my ducks in a row I had all of their Standard of care and Code of Ethics printed. I had studies, I was prepared. Well pretty much. I still had a knot in my stomach because I hate confrontation but I felt strongly about this. I wasn’t just fighting for me and my baby any more I was fighting for the women in my area who just like me were being held down due to a scar.

The first few minutes of the appointment were a bit awkward. Then it happened, we started to talk about what the plans were. My anxiety spiked and I was ready, hubby held my hand as we waited for what they were going to say. Then she told us that they would attend my HBAC ( homebirth after a cesarean) While they were not necessarily endorsing this, they felt that it was a safer and better option for me. Both hubby and I were flabberghasted, I’m pretty sure my jaw hit the ground. They didn’t give much for reason just that they felt that they needed to respect my choices. There was some talk of reason that I would choose to transfer, which are only if truly medically necessary.

We were delighted and shocked. It has been a long road to get to this point. There has been tears and frustration. There have been moments when I wished December would never come. Though now I have learned that if you believe in something and you know it is right you have to fight for it. Change can not be made when you sit idly by hoping some one else will do it. So for now we have our support back up plan but we also have our comfort level of knowing, our baby this time will come into the world in a much more respected manner.

Politics, policy and other BS

” All that matters is a healthy baby.” This statement strikes guilt through a mom that is suffering trauma from her birth. Birth trauma is a very real thing. Often it involves losing control, having procedures done to you without consent, and doctors and midwives who have a different agenda than the birth mother. There are times when things change and things happen but how you are treated can greatly affect how you feel. Being respected in choices that are beyond your control, having someone talk to you in a respectful manner, as opposed to being treated like a less being.

Birth is a very raw and real time for families. It is a time where you are literally sitting at the cusp of life and death. It can be magical and wonderful, or it can be terrifying and traumatic. Birth is a very normal and natural thing but it does come with risks for everyone. Know one knows how any one birth will go, you just jump in when it’s time and go for the ride of your life. It is much easier to survive and come out unscathed if you are respected and feel safe.

With the birth of our fourth child coming up soon, the birthing time is very much on our minds. This is our final planned child and we would like this birth to be a healing and joyous experience. Unfortunately we are hitting road blocks along our way that is leaving us to change what our original plan was. Unfortunately I am not really sure why these road blocks are in place, as I can’t seem to get a real straight answer.

Now I understand that there are some concerns and questions in the medical mind about this pregnancy for me. This is going to be my first baby after having a caesarean section with my third child. Apparently in the community that I live in that leaves me ineligible to have a home birth. Our problem with this is surrounding communities will attend a HBAC ( home birth after cesarean ) but mine wont. They used to but now they wont and no one will give me a straight answer as to why. I have heard many different answers, but none are really what I feel to be a valid answer. They work as answers but they really fall more into the cop out range for answers. So I went with the next logical choice when I can’t get an answer from the practitioners I went to their governing body and asked them for a policy or reasoning. I really thought that a governing body that is paid and regulated would have some sort of concrete out lined list of requirements. I thought that said governing body since they are always saying what a midwife can’t do and where her scope end would also say where her scope is and require them to fall within it. Guess what? I was wrong.

I had decided to try and connect with the College’s ” Quality Assurance and Clinical Practice Policy Director”. I figured she would be the best person to speak with seeing as my questions were well within her title, so it should be in her job description. I simply sent her an e-mail a week ago and this was that e-mail.

Hello

I am a mother to three children and expecting my 4th in a few months time. I am writing this to inquire what the Colleges standards and policies regard a homebirth after 1 c-section. I have two previous uncomplicated hospital vaginal births before my third child which resulted in an unknown tachycardia in both mom and baby, resulting in a c-section. With testing that was done following the birth I have had an OB state that there was no reason to repeat c-section. 

The main reason I am writing this to the college is after looking through the Colleges page. I have read the code of ethics and the standards of practice. As well I have read the study that you actually have on VBAC’s listed. Also I have talked with various midwives, and been hitting walls within communication. I feel that I am getting conflicting information on the policy of a homebirth within regulations. I desire a homebirth for my 4th and final child and I wish for a clear stated communication about what is required by the College and if there is some informed choice policy that can help me reach my desired birth. I understand it is the College of midwifery’s goal to give women freedom in their birthing and I feel that I am not receiving this model of care. I am being spoken to strictly in fear and limited information thus not actually allowing my my rights to informed choice. 

If you can please get back to me I would like to progress in my planning and preparing for this birth. I do not wish to cause issues but I do desire that my rights be respected. 

The response I got back was a bit unexpected actually. I thought they would just send me some paperwork, that outlined a policy and to do with it as I please. Instead they wanted my contact info so they could speak with me.. I figured this could be a good thing they want to know more so they can set this right and allowed the informed choice right that I have in my birth. Once again I was wrong.  Being wrong really stinks.

So I gave them my info and she called me. Luckily it was during C’s naptime so I had time to talk without being too interrupted.  I explained to her a bit further about the fact that the community I was living in was refusing to respect my informed choice and attend my birth at my home. Unfortunately I didn’t have a recording device to put the entire conversation out there. Though here is the summary, and then my thoughts on each point.

  •  You need to respect your midwife and her comfort levels ( while this is understandable. What about MY comfort levels? I am the paying client, don’t we need to respect me?)
  • You can always find another caregiver. Or travel to a city where they will attend you.( This sounds wonderful and like the option I would be going for except in my community there is no one who will attend. I tried this already, I got shut down. I don’t have anywhere else to go to see a midwife, it’s not like I have a secret house somewhere. The other option is to rent a hotel room, the time of year doesn’t exactly allow for a bunch of freedom in this. I also feel that travelling to a different city in a different home kinda defeats the purpose of staying home. )
  • We can’t force a midwife to attend a HBAC. It is up to them and their community as to how they want to attend births ( Okay so you can regulate and tell women who have been doing midwifery for years what they can’t do and take their career away. Though you can’t have the group that you have specially selected to be midwives to follow the woman’s’ right to informed choice about her birth? )
  • You need to keep communication lines open. If they still wont attend then find a different provider. ( I have been keeping the lines open. Apparently I wasn’t very clear though, I’m talking and no one seems to care)
  • Ultimately everyone needs to be safe and comfortable. ( I didn’t really understand this statement, to be completely honest. I just felt like I was being dismissed)
Through out the conversation she kept telling me to just change providers. I really felt like she didn’t care about the situation or the facts that are going on. I felt like I was getting lip service from the people that are supposed to be creating and upholding a standard of care for midwives. Finally at the end she did tell me that there is a form that we can work though. It is for when a client is refusing recommended care, but then she said that my midwife might not even know about the document?!?!? I fund it very odd, I will be e-mailing her to get a copy of this document so that I have it, just in case. She also told me to bring copies of the Standard of Care, Code of Ethics and the study on VBAC’s on the college’s page. This honestly really made me wonder what is going on within this governing board. If I need to be bringing these things into my midwife. Shouldn’t she be fully aware of their policies and procedures?
So now I sit with a few options in my corner and I know what we are likely going to do and we are comfortable with our choice. My fight is feeling now more for women who don’t realize they can fight for their choices. That having a surgery does not always limit your choices. That we as women and people have rights to informed choices about our birth and that we are allowed to make those choices. We don’t have to let doctors or midwives decide our and our babies birth. We have a voice and we can stand up. I’m tired of being held down and I’m going to do this the way I feel that will be best for me and my baby.

It’s not awareness, it’s insensitive

Wow I’m surprised I made it past the middle of the month before getting the “awareness” message on Facebook. You know the one I am talking about where you post something ridiculously stupid about some mundane thing and it is supposed to miraculously raise awareness for women’s breast cancer.

There have been various ones over the years. Travelling, where you put your purse, colour of your bra or even the worse, pretend pregnancy.( this was the worst seeing as most cancer treatments render people infertile) The problem is none of this raises awareness. I am pretty sure we are all aware of breast cancer by now. It’s a real thing! Heck there is an entire multi billion dollar industry that makes all this fancy junk to raise awareness.

Now before you all go and boo and hiss at me for being a party pooper, let’s talk about what we do to raise awareness. First let’s actually talk about it. Talk to women who have experienced it. Learn their story. I can tell you for a fact that is going to raise more awareness in you than putting ” I like it on the floor” or ” I”m going to London in 7 months”.  Let’s look breast cancer in the face. Let’s look all cancer in the face and start talking about what we can do to change it. We need to stop playing stupid Facebook games like giggly little school girls, that we don’t include the boys in. Which by the way is silly because men get breast cancer as well, but their big month is next month so we don’t want to include them.

What can you do?

Check your breasts, they are on you become familiar with them.
Eat a healthy well balance diet.
Get some exercises.
Get your check -up done often. You don’t want to be caught off guard.

In other words get healthy and keep healthy. It may not solve everything but it is a good start. Take care of yourself. Get to know cancer in it’s real form, and get serious. It’s not a game it’s not funny. People are dying here and there currently is no accepted methods of curing the problem. ( I believe it’s out there but there are reasons why it is being kept silence, my guess has to do with big money)

So stop the “awareness” games. We are all aware by now, your just being insensitive.

Project Doula

I think that Doula’s are one of the most under use birth tools out there. They are a wonderful tool for any birthing mother or couple out there. Now often doula’s are misunderstood and people have no idea how they can actually help you. Doula’s are not midwives and midwives or doctors do not replace a doula. This is an important thing to clarify right of the get go. They are very different professions and they have very different jobs.

I didn’t have a doula with my first. Honestly I didn’t know they existed. I didn’t know a lot of things when I had my first. ( more on that in a later post ) I had my husband and my grandmother there, they were both wonderfully supportive of me. Though with only a loose birth plan, not knowing my rights of informed choice, and a medical staff that refused to listen to a first time mom. Let’s just say some stuff happened and I’m not happy with how I was treated.

With my second I had a team of doula’s. They were wonderful ladies who were essential to my birth being more respected than my first. They took notes and pictures, massaged me. Lifted me up when I was feeling like I couldn’t do it anymore. Along with them was my husband and my best friend. I can honestly say it was my best birth of the three. There was still some things done that were not consented to but I’m feeling it was just part of being in the hospital.With my third I had a doula but due to the circumstances surrounding the birth she was not much of an asset. Things happened to fast and with a transfer to the hospital due to health related concerns she walked into turmoil. I don’t fault her as no one knew what was going on and I was in such emotional upheaval that I barely noticed her and don’t know what, if anything she said to me.

With my fourth I am planning a very different birth experience. I’m going into this as a  empowered woman with tool and the belief in herself. and her capabilities. I have found a doula who respects birth in it’s most natural form. She trusts the natural process and she believe in the woman’s ability to birth. I know that she is supportive of my choices and I know she will stand by me as I advocate for my rights. I may almost go as far as saying I love her.

Having a doula that will blend well with you and respect your space is most important. This person needs to be trusted, as they will be with you in your most primal and vulnerable state.  They will often be with you more than your care provider, having a front seat to all the goings on in the birthing space. You doula will remain a part of your birth forever and hopefully they will be a wonderful peaceful part of it.

Did you have a doula? Do you want a doula?

The Vaccine Debate Continues………

I don’t know about the area you live in, but where I am there is a war being waged. This war is between two sides, well almost three sides, of the vaccine debate. In one corner you have the pro vaccine people and in the other you have the anti vaccine people. The third side is where people who either delay, or selectively vaccinate their children for one reason or another. Some reasons for what they do can be related to allergies, family history, or just plain fear from both side of not knowing what to do.

This battle has been being waged for years but this year I am noticing it so much more. There are all sorts of “news” sources that have no backing ( for either side) and are generally opinion based being shared as medical advice. Studies that are financially backed by Big Pharma companies which doesn’t exactly lead to an unbiased outcome. Blog posts and theories about what is going on from both side that are literally name calling and flinging shit at either side.

Both sides feel that either side is full of uneducated morons that as just mongering fear to the masses. Hard to really get a feel for what is actually the truth when both sides are yelling the most extreme risks and side effects.  All most parents want to do is do what is best for their children. They want to keep them safe and whole by their side as long as possible. No parent wants to know that a choice that they made has permanently affected their child. This goes for both sides of the war. I don’t believe that any parent who vaccinates their child wants them to end up having a severe reaction that leads to life long problems or even death. Just like those who choose not to vaccinate are not wanting to get a illness that can leave them in dire situations as well.

Both side of the debate have people who are educated and researched. The people who have done their research are very likely to be very firm in their position. Just because it is different than yours does not make them an idiot. The risks on both side are from people who are doing what they choose out of fear and not education. They are the people who make their choices based on being told that is they don’t do this___________ their child will die. That statement is on both side of the war.

There are truths on both sides.

Yes maybe you were vaccinated and so were your children, and they are just fine. But that mom who watched her child have a reaction and change before her very eyes after a vaccine, they are not fine. They should not be discounted in anyway. If you were to say to that mom that her kid was just the one to benefit the hundred she may want to beat you. No parents want their kid to be the guinea pig in someone else experiment.

Yes in order for vaccines to be effective there needs to be a certain percentage vaccine rate. ( I have seen different stats so I won’t quote any one) With all the opt outs in children that is not being met, apparently in some areas. The issue there is it is not just the children, there are other populations that travel where they don’t have the vaccines, and there are many adults who do not get their boosters. Heck just now people are learning that they are supposed to even have their boosters. I would imagine that the rates would be very different if the adult population was added in and we shifted some blame there. ( For the record in my area has had very steady rates for the past 8 years, yet there is an increase in vaccine related illness)

I have made a choice for my family and it is what it is. My choice is from hours of research and a consultant with a neurologist and other medical professionals. I feel comfortable with my choice and I know the risks that go with it. I take precautions that I need to to keep my family safe just like any other mom wants to do. Now I should say the my choice is also an our choice, one between me and my husband.

While I have made my choice, I will never tell you to go one way or the other. What I will tell others is to make sure you are comfortable with your choice. Make sure you are educated by real sources on either side. Yes it is a lot of work and it might just be easier to be told what to do. The problem with that is being told what to do, gives you someone to blame for any possible issues. I will not be blamed for you choice. You have to make your choice, and educated yourself to the level that you feel comfortable. If you don’t feel comfortable either way you need to confront the reason you feel that way. Release the fear and find the truth. Just remember your truth may very well different someone elses and that is fine. We are individual and each of our children have different needs.

Whether you choose to vaccinate or not you should educate yourself, that is the bottom line. Ignore the fear and go with what you know with your true inner knowledge.

Where did we go wrong?

We live in world that is honestly all mixed up. Values and morals are things of the past. Your word means nothing any more. Often people worry about walking down the street someday for fear of getting attacked.

Where did we go wrong?

We are more concerned about a young ladies dance moves than we are about declaring chemical warfare. We tell our young women what to wear but don’t tell our young men not to rape. Simply because it’s a primal urge and he can’t help himself.

Where did we go wrong?

We talk about removing science from our schools. When we are already removing arts and music. While religion has it’s place. If we are to have freedom of religion it should not be being preached in schools that is for the family to decide.

Where did we go wrong?

We cry about other countries and the travesty that they commit in their own but we are afraid to go into our back yard. We refuse to look at our neighbours who are starving and have no job, because our economy shot.

Where did we go wrong?

We could feed the hungry. we have support systems but instead of helping other we help our bank account. There is profit in someone elses pain

Where did we go wrong?

Every day I see the news and I wonder what has happened to the human spirit? Some days I wonder if the light of goodness has gone out? Where did we go wrong? We stopped treating each other as neighbour friends and family. We started worrying more about the money in the bank and the toys in the garage. We were too busy keeping up with the Jones’ that we forgot to smile and get to know them.

We need to stop we need to take 100 steps back. We need to care, support and lift up each other. Right now we are killing each other and killing our future. We need more random acts of kindness. we need more love. we need to get to know our neighbours again with understanding and trust.

Can we do it?