Christmas is coming

So here we sit, on the 25th of November. In one month my house will be filled with chaos and shouts of excitement. This year is going to be busy for us. Hoo boy will it be busy. On top of our normal family stuff we will be having hubby’s Dad, Stepmom and younger siblings. These younger siblings are much younger, like 5 & 3 years old younger. Plus my grandparents will be in town, visiting us. My grandma will be here earlier in order to help with the other lovely guest that should be showing up soon.  Yup the baby should be joining our family very soon. I need our lil Sweet pea to keep growing for at least one more week and then all is good. So in other words once I hit December we are baby go time pretty much at any moment.

I have been spending the last several months wishing that time would just slow down a little bit so that I would have enough time to get ready for this baby. Things have gotten done here and there but there is still stuff to do. Today  I shall be popping some baby clothes, bedding and recieving blankets into wash so that they are all clean and ready. I deen to pull out my sewing machine and make a few woolies for the baby.

Crazy to think how fast time is going. Before I know it our new baby will be here and the year will be over.

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Being a squeaky wheel

The squeaky wheel gets heard.

When I wrote the other week about the challenges I was going through with the prenatal care and the respecting of my birth choices.( you can read about it here ) I was in a place of an almost limbo, I had made my choice of where I was birthing but I still didn’t know how care was going to happen for me. I knew what I was needing to do for me and my baby. I felt knowledgeable and safe with my choice and I was really just looking for some back up to go with it.

The unfortunate issue really was not really safety, which is what they tried to sell me on to start with. It was politics and possibly someone making sure they get their share of the money. That is not where the medical system should be making choices for birthing women but alas that is where we sat. So I decided to do something about it. Talking with different midwives wasn’t getting me anywhere, so I choose to go higher. I went to the College of Midwives of BC. I got myself informed about policies, procedures and standards of care. I decided to become a thorn in the side of my local midwifery group. Now this really is something I never thought I would do. Sure I like to stir the pot and stand up for others rights but I have never spearheaded my own quest. And I was on a quest, I was on a quest to have my informed choice rights respected. I was on a quest to be free to birth my baby at home regardless of my previous births. I had my information and I started making connections. I began to learn about other women who were not respected and their choices were made for them, not for safety but for archaic policies that have been debunked. ( nothing by mouth, clock watching, consistent monitoring)

So I sent an e-mail to a few people and the initial response was less than supportive. Like I said in the previous post. They were able to stop and limit midwifery but they didn’t have a standard of care that everyone had to follow in regards to birthplace choice. I was enraged and angry I didn’t understand how they could do this to women. It is worth mentioning that midwifery has only been regulated in BC for the past 20 or so years. They put some wonderful women through the ringer because of this regulations and limits that they placed.

Then I went to my next midwife appointment, honestly I went in prepared to fight for my rights. I had all my ducks in a row I had all of their Standard of care and Code of Ethics printed. I had studies, I was prepared. Well pretty much. I still had a knot in my stomach because I hate confrontation but I felt strongly about this. I wasn’t just fighting for me and my baby any more I was fighting for the women in my area who just like me were being held down due to a scar.

The first few minutes of the appointment were a bit awkward. Then it happened, we started to talk about what the plans were. My anxiety spiked and I was ready, hubby held my hand as we waited for what they were going to say. Then she told us that they would attend my HBAC ( homebirth after a cesarean) While they were not necessarily endorsing this, they felt that it was a safer and better option for me. Both hubby and I were flabberghasted, I’m pretty sure my jaw hit the ground. They didn’t give much for reason just that they felt that they needed to respect my choices. There was some talk of reason that I would choose to transfer, which are only if truly medically necessary.

We were delighted and shocked. It has been a long road to get to this point. There has been tears and frustration. There have been moments when I wished December would never come. Though now I have learned that if you believe in something and you know it is right you have to fight for it. Change can not be made when you sit idly by hoping some one else will do it. So for now we have our support back up plan but we also have our comfort level of knowing, our baby this time will come into the world in a much more respected manner.

Do you know what is it?

As a mom with three boys, I seem to be getting the automatic assumption that we are having another baby so we can have a girl. I get it from people I know, family, and complete strangers. I have had random people at random times ask if I know what I am having? The thing is we have never found out with any of our children their sex before they were born.

Why?
Well for one I have this terrible fear that they will be wrong and I will be prepared in very gender stereotypes. Even if you say it won’t happen it often does. Really it’s not a big deal but if people know what you are having they will usually be more than happy to help out with all their hand me downs. I have no issue with hand me downs but kids grows so fast I don’t need 150 newborn outfits.

Along with the being wrong fear. I don’t want myself and family member to get so set in one gender and then another appears. It could set you up for a let down. I don’t think the sex of a baby should determine how much you love a baby, but it happens. I know people who have found out that their child was not the sex they hoped for and they were disappointed. I honestly “thought” ( read wanted) both # 2 and #3 to be girls. My instinct told me something different most of the time but I over-rode it. We didn’t know for sure though, and that was something that we had decided to do. To be honest I didn’t even notice that #2 was not a girl till a few hours after birth. I knew he was a boy I just didn’t occur to me that I had guessed wrong. #3 was so all over the place I didn’t care what the sex was I just wanted to know my baby was safe and alive, I wanted to hold my baby. I wanted to know that my baby was okay.

I have no issue with people who want to find out the gender of their child. That is totally up to them and their family. For me though I wish so much emphasis the sex of the child. It doesn’t make them loved any more or any less. My issue is when people assume that I need to have mixed genders to have a complete and happy family. We talked and then planned on having 4 children while I was pregnant with #2. It was a bit different from our original plan of definatly 2 maybe 3.

For us the sex of our children has played no basis on whether or not to have more children. We love our children and I wouldn’t change my boys for anything. I love them so much and they have helped me grow and develop in many ways. While I’m not saying that girls wouldn’t have done this. I know it would be in a slightly different situation.

So no I don’t know if I’m having a boy or a girl. I’m hoping for a healthy baby. I am looking forward to meeting this new little person soon. About the only thing I can say for sure is I’m NOT having puppies.