Mamavation Monday —– a few days late

I’m late, I’m late for very important date. No time to say “hello”- “good bye”. I’m late I’m late I’m late!- The White Rabbit

This Monday update is late but I have a good reason, my keyboard on my laptop broke. 😦 I had some letters but not all. As is I”m using hubby’s notebook to write this. It is a full keyboard replacement 😦 I guess the tech found a penny and a safety pin under the keyboard. eeek Oh well it should be fixed soon.

Now that we are done with excuses,on to the update. ———– dead silence————

I don’t have much to up date on as nothing is happening. I have joined a running group, I’m not very fast but I keep going. Last week i did 6 k in about an hour this week I did 7k in 55 minutes. Nothing fantastic but I did it and that is what is important. Also I think it is pretty good because this is the first distance running I have ever done.

The other issues is right now I’m sick again……. this trying for a baby seems to be wearing on my system. That or I am already pregnant and this is morning sickness. Either way even with diet changes I’m super tired and I feel like vomiting. Well see what the next few weeks bring.

The scale is not changing really I’m bouncing around, lose a little gain a little. So frustrating, but I just have to focus on how I am feeling keep getting my work outs in and eat right.

Love you all

What challenges are you facing in your weight-loss journey?

Mamavation Monday ~~~~ Freedom of the road

Well I finally went running last week. 5k. 🙂 Went pretty well had to walk some but having a coach with me made a world of difference. I went further, ran longer, pushed harder. I highly recommend getting a group that will challenge you to run with.
As for weightloss I am getting frustrated with the scale. It’s not moving much at all. Right now I am thinking if I focus more on my fitness and stress less about the number it will work better. You know, because really the inches matter too!
In other news I have been working on planning my garden for this year. I have a much bigger plot than I did last year which is going to mean hopefully lots of yummy food. I am also transferring some beds into veggie spaces so I can have all the things I want. 🙂

 “This post is sponsored Dole and Mamavation – a community dedicated to obesity prevention & weight loss for women and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway”

Taming the Toddler Temper Tantrum

Have you ever been so full of emotion that you have no idea what to do? Have you ever felt so completely helpless like nothing you do is ever right? Have you ever wanted something that you are just not allowed to have and you have no idea why?

Life can be a very difficult thing to live. Nothing seems fair, there are rules and rules for rules. Sometime you never find out about the rules until you have broken them. People have expectations that many times seem way beyond you reach. You just want to enjoy life, you just want to have a little fun, you just really want what that other person has!

Welcome to life as toddler. You have a ton of things going on in your world that sometimes they can be overwhelming. You are often not allowed to do something that you want to. “NO” in many cases is a word you hear usually more then your own name. Life is hard, you can walk now and get to so many places but everything is challenging and new. You want to climb and explore, you want to see what all is in those mysterious cupboard that mommy always opens. That toys, you want to know why that kids likes it so much, so you take it.

But so very often you are not allowed to do. People yell words at you like ” NO”,”not yours!”, “danger”, “owie” and many other such things that are supposed to stop you in the act. Often though the lure of what you are trying to do is much more powerful then the desire to listen to the big people. Sometimes you just want to do what you want to do. You are tried of being stopped and you want to see just what are they going to do about it? Sure they are bigger but how are they really going to stop you?

Now that is the big question. How are you going to stop this little person and what are you going to do about the temper tantrum that follows?

That is the dilemma of every parent, dealing with a child who has does something wrong, or at least what we are seeing as wrong. What do you really do though? You know forcing them to stop will likely start the temper tantrum, but leaving them might not be an option.

First thing first you have to figure out if this is really as big of an issue as you are making of it. You need to tame your temper tantrum first. That knee jerk reaction where you just want to yell and pull the child quickly away is most likely an adult temper tantrum. You are angry about something. If you want your child to learn to control their emotions you need to lead by example. This is challenging and we all mess up but that is why it is a learning experience, don’t be to proud to say you are sorry for your reactions.

Now that you have dealt with your personal reaction what are you going to do about the child. First you need to gauge whether or not this is a danger that must be stopped immediately or could this be spun and turned into a learning experience? Could you leave this allowing your child to feel empowered?

If it is dangerous clearly you are going to need to remove your child from the situation. Climbing something that could fall and seriously hurt them. Running into traffic, trying to insert themselves into the hot oven or even helping with the dishes by grabbing the biggest knife possible. BUT freaking out and yelling and jumping up and down or hitting the child is not going to help them learn. You need to remain calm. Big reactions get big responses. A big response is not going to stop or prevent a temper tantrum and help the child to learn what the problem is.

Now some people will argue that a sharp shout or a quick swat, teaches kids that that is dangerous and scary. Sure it could be the likeliness is they are going to learn that when they do that YOU are now scary. I would like to hope that your desire as a parent is not to frighten your child into submission. If it is I feel very sad for your child.

But what do you do, what can you do?  First you can talk to your child. Simple and concisely, tell them exactly what the problem is. Not a five minute lecture, with small children you have 10-30 seconds to get their attention or they will find something else that will interest them.

Now with young child you may feel like you are talking till you are blue in the face. If you feel like that you are talking to much. Simple short statements. ” Not yours” “gentle touches” ” put it back” Short simple instructions can help save your sanity.

Now sometimes the child simply wont listen to you. We run into this a lot in the toddler years. This little person will stare you down almost challenging you to make them. Now what? I like to use counting. I explain to them that I will count to 5 and if they have not done what I have asked I will help them get it done. The trick is to remain calm, don’t frighten your child into do what they need to do. If by the time I reach 5 if it has been done I take the child gently and fulfill the request. their hands will do the work but I will be a guide to get it done. I try not to yell or freak out.  It is not always easy but it can be much more effective if I’m not over reacting to what they are doing.

Now when goes from defiance to a full on melt down, I work at being present for my children most of the time when they are feeling big emotions. They  may needs to scream kick and yell but I will usually be there for them. I will though not allow them to hurt me. If their anger is being physical towards me I will simply state the their action is hurting me and move away. If they move to continue I will move myself away and if need be separate  There is no shame in an adult time out. If you are feeling the need to lash out and hurt your child you need to remove yourself. Still remember to talk to your child and let them know what you are doing. Tell them that they are hurting you and you need a few moments away from them. They will likley follow you, as they are needing a connection from you, but boundaries do need to be set. Which is why I suggest telling them what you are doing. * now please not this may not be available to you if you are out, but find some way that you can give yourself a calm down mode. Even if it mean abandoning your half full cart in the middle of shopping. going to your car and placing the child inside and you outside maybe be what you need to do*

Try to remember to avoid common trigger, hunger and sleepiness. with keeping these needs addressed you can avoid many many melt downs.

Love is important, love is not conditional on good behavior. Love should always be 100% unconditional  The statement. ” I love you but….” should be wiped from your vocabulary. There should never be a condition on the love you have for your child. Your child does not rule you, nor do you rule your child. You are equals but you are given the privilege of rearing this individual. You are a guide in a big scary world, you are supposed to be the safe place that they can return to when the world rears it’s big ugly head.

Toddler temper tantrums are not fun for anyone. They are a big giant over load of information into a little brain that doesn’t know how to process them. We have the same feeling as adults but many of us have been given the tools to learn how to deal with the big stuff. Look at the tantrum as a teaching moment. While it may be driving you crazy, and you just want them to listen to you, remember they are still young. They don’t come programmed, you have to teach inspire and guide your child.

Mamavation Monday ~~~~ Restart

Well I fell off the wagon. This getting into a healthy pattern is easy to start with but then so often something happens and you go a little sideways from the plan.
Well you know what I have a full on tendency to set fire to the wagon when I fall off. I feel so defeated that I can’t even complete a month long plan. What’s that point you know? Everything seems to be against me, my body is just not functioning the way I want. The scale is not moving in the proper direction. Nothing is going right!
I had to sit down and have a serious heart to heart with myself. I have to remember why am I doing this. Sure a sexy looking body would be nice, and fitting into smaller jeans is awesome. Those things though are just physical, how are they going to help me in my life?
Why do I want to be healthy? well simply I want to be around for my family I want to be able to play with my kids. I want to run,jump and feel the freedom that come with being able to move freely.

So I decided to grab the fire extinguisher and put out the fire. There is still a bit of what remains of my earlier progress, it’s not all lost. I might need to stop being so dramatic, but the likeliness of that happening is quite..um.. small. I will though remember, that doing something even if it is small steps will get me to my goal.

There are many tools to help you along the way. there are books, website, even classes to help motivate you to go forward working on being the best you can become. You know because the sexy body isn’t the main goal doesn’t mean that I don’t want to look good. We women deserve to feel as amazing as we all are. How you feel about yourself is super important much more important than your dress size. Face your fears, get out of the comfort zone and go for it ladies.

“This post is sponsored by Jessica – the Healthy Hip Chick and Mamavation – a community dedicated to obesity prevention & weight loss for women and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway” 

My kids would never……

Admit it you have thought it. Your kids are always so much better behaved then    ( insert names )    kids. You know they are just better all around, because you are a far better parent. Now do you seriously believe that? That you are so much better then they are? Really?

Sometimes I know it is hard to not compare our kids with someone else’s. Especially when your children are doing the opposite of the other person’s.  I know I am guilty of it. Now I have been on both sides of the issue. Sometimes the boys are WILD and I am sooooo embarrassed. I have no idea what has gotten into them but someone must of slipped them crazy pills. Those were honestly earlier days in my parenting when I didn’t realize that sometimes kids are just crazy, I still have moments when I feel so hot with embarrassment but that is my own issue not theirs. I’m sure people think my children at times are just wild nut balls and I don’t care about how they behave. I’m sure some people think I’m too lenient on them, on the flip side I’m sure there are times when people think I am too hard on them..

I am a big believer of ” place and time”, for most behaviors there is a place and time. They are just children after all and learning the world that they live in. They have little bodies that desire to move, a lot. They have brains that desire to be filled with knowledge, so they seek out new experiences and want to know about everything around them. They have amazing imaginations, so there are a lot more wonders in their world.

There are a few things where I do stand my ground with my children. They will be kind and inclusive, I have run into times when they don’t want to play with a particular child. I will pull my child aside and ask them 1st why the don’t want to play with them? 2nd if they would like to be treated this way. Now if the other child is being unkind and that is why my child doesn’t want to play that is understandable. I will though if it seems to be a problem encourage my child to approach the other child and see if something can be worked out. Now at time i will need to mediate remember my children are still young. These though are life skills, these are needed to be leaned. So when I see a parent being totally okay with their child being rude and intentionally excluding, I definitely get a ” my child would never behave like that “.

Another is speaking disrespectfully, now it has happened a few times where on of the children have been sassy and rude, but I deal with it and if they choose to be like that then they choose to not be in the situation. Hateful mean words & tone are not needed. There is usually an amicable way to deal with whatever the situation is. It is though the parents I see who continually allow their children to spew hate at them or others and not do anything about it. No acknowledgement of wrong doing or how they are hurting another person with their words. I really shake my head. now it is not my place to judge as I may be witnessing something that has come to a head and it just can’t be dealt with at that moment or it could be disastrous  Though I do find it happening more and more. Kindness, love and respect seem to be things of the past, relics almost.  Yes though when I hear children spewing at their parents that they hate them or even clearly controlling their parents will with the child’s attitude I will do a ” my kids would never…”

Now I’m not perfect, heck far from it but I parent with love and respect. I will always love my children, I know that they love me to even when they are mad. Sometimes we don’t know how to deal with our children and their behaviors  Sometimes we believe that a parenting class should be required to have children With on going training, because we know that sometimes the on the job training sucks. I hope we are all doing the best we can with the tools we are given. We don’t always know everyone’s story, but we can help them create new chapters in their books.  So maybe next time you see someone struggling with their children instead of thinking ” my kid’s would never be such awful horrible little beings, their mother must let run all over her!” Ask her if she needs a hand, be a friend. maybe even smile and think good thought about her and her children and wish her the best.

So what about you, Have you ever had a ” my kids would never…..”