Laundry is awful, really it sucks because unless we become nudists there is always something to wash. Now I’m pretty good with getting it through the washer and the dryer. Yes some days it may sit in the washer for a bit, and get that icky stinky smell. I totally wash it again when that happens. Yes some times it will sit in the dryer for a while too!
Though after the washing cycle this happens a lot. Yup into the laundry basket and when someone compains about not having something I’ll get around to folding it. Or there is my awesome husband who does it for me. He rocks!
Okay I’m going to aim to start this little series on Mondays that is Mommy Confession time. There are so Many blogs out there that seem to show one side of motherhood. Either good or bad. I’m aiming for this one to have a bit of everything so you get a well rounded view of my mommy life. I’m in no way a perfect any sort of mom and I kinda pride myself on that. I like the aspects of many different parenting styles but not able to commit to all aspects of one style. I take what works and go with it. I love natural living but I’m way to lazy to make everything from scratch. I love to pretend I’m going to make all these wonderful crafts I see but I just don’t have the time, money or motivation. I would love to say I’m a gentle parent and I never raise my voice or give my children consequences. I would love to say that I am so in tune with my children that they have no need to tantrum, scream or yell because their needs are all met. But that would be lying.
So this is pretty much going to be my weekly confession as to where my technicolored dream world falls short of reality.
Consumerism drives me bonkers. Now I know we are a society which generally speaking requires “stuff”. Lots of “stuff”. Though really how much “stuff” do you need? Well that depends on who you ask, some people really don’t need a lot and others think they need everything. Now when it comes to stuff everyone wants to get the best deal. We are in an economic down turn money is tight, we need a deal. Plus we know that all of our money is going into someone else pocket that probably has too much money anyways.
For the last few years people talk about how much money they saved on something. Where has the best deal? Who has the best price? Though my question is a very simple one. Do I need it? This is usually my first questions to myself when I see something. Now yes I falter and make impulsive silly little decisions, I used to be pretty bad. I would buy stuff because it is snazzy and I want it.Then I would wonder why i didn’t have money when I actually needed something. Yes sometimes it is nice to have snazzy stuff, but I don’t need it all. I really do not need the biggest fanciest newest toy on the market. Sometimes I have to remind myself of that, especially when we are talking to sales people.
Now sales people are trained to sell it is their job. Very often commissioned sales personal are seen as seedy deceptive people who are just trying to make a buck. Some are and some aren’t, but it is definitely a stereotype. Most times you need to read between the words that they are saying. Most times you need to just get what you needed and get out. Though the reality a lot of us get suckered in to the “deal” where if you get this instead you get this for free, or even better if you get this upgrade it cost more but it is better so this is what you really want.
We recently went to a presentation for a certain member buying club. It sounded great getting things at cost and we have a few bigger purchases coming up so it made sense. They offered us the buying power we thought we needed to make some upcoming purchases. It all sounded great until they told us that they didn’t have what we were looking for, that what we wanted was to specialty?!?!? Toddler sized beds are rare??? I was rather ticked that we had been promised they carried something and that I would be able to save gads of money on it. Now they have taken some step to try and rectify the issue which included gift cards to purchase stuff in their store but would not let me out of the contract. They took advantage of us and I hope we will be able to use this to our advantage. Though right now I’m angered by sleek sales men who tell you whatever you want in order to get the sale. Doing your job is one thing but lying outright is another.
Oh my sweet lil Cael, you are so tired and need to sleep. Yes it is only 9 pm but you have barely slept today and I know you are tired. You are rolling around on the couch and floor rubbing you eyes. It is not a bad thing to sleep, in fact it is encouraged. Why when Daddy was away did you go to bed so nicely, and now that he is home you are wide awake and ready to go? I promise you we are not doing anything amazing. Please sleep lil one sleep.
What do you do to get your littles to sleep at night?
I have heard time and time again that the best person qualified to love you, is you. This is really true for everyone but I think really needs to ring louder for women. Living in the mommy world has shown me mommy guilt. It is a rampant disease that affects most mom’s, at least the ones I know and interact with.
GUILT a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime,wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
Now imagined is a big one with mom’s I think. We moms constantly compare themselves to our friends and other moms. There is always something about our lives that we want to change and it seems like so many other have it together. Now who knows maybe I’m the only one who feels this way and because I feel this way I’m projecting my thoughts on to others, but I kinda doubt it.
Now to see where I am going with this you know that friend of yours, who’s life is perfect. She always has the best clothes her hair is perfect she has time to work out and see friends. She is never covered in puke snot or poop. She could probably walk a mile in those heels and still look amazing. Or the one whose kids are angles who sit when they are told and play quietly and nicely where you are out. She never has to raise her voice at her perfect angels. Or what about the one with the perfectly cleaned house, there is never a speck of dust and everything looks like it came out a a magazine. Or, or, or I could go one for awhile. I bet you are thinking about her and how lovely that life sounds. STOP IT!!!!!
That is her reality, sure it sounds nice but you have no idea what she has had to do to get there. Maybe she has something else going on behind the scenes. Heck maybe she desperately wants to be comfortable just like you wearing the same shirt as yesterday, yes we noticed you are wearing the exact same thing and we know it’s not because you love that outfit and you did all your laundry last night. It’s because that was the cleanest thing in the house at the moment. That is okay though, you have different priorities.
Us women need to stop wishing for someone elses life. Now I’m not saying don’t aspire to something different. Don’t try and make your lives better. What we need to do is stop beating ourselves up because we are not as good as………. Some of us are better house keepers, some of us a fashionistas, some of us have more patience and are better with kids.
We all have our own strengths and weaknesses. We need to forgive ourselves for our failings, and love ourselves in spite of them. We are each beautiful women in all our glories. Most of us aspire to be the best parent for our children. Some days the dishes pile up and the dust gathers in the corners, other days the house is clean. Some days you look and feel like a garbage truck ran over you, other days you look like a sexy hot mama. It’s all a balance, it’s all about being happy with you. You are the best you you can be.
Now if you don’t like where you are then change it. Take some time and set a goal. Look for people around you who inspire you. Shut down the negativity in your brain of “I can’t do it”. One of my favorite quotes is from Henry Ford.
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”
It’s your life you can change it but change it for you, for once. Now don’t stop thinking about others, but allow yourself to be important as well.
The imagined mommy guilt needs to stop. You are not a bad mom because you don’t make smiley bacon and egg breakfasts fro your family every morning with a smile on your face and a song in your heart. You did at least make sure that there was cereal and milk, right? That counts. Just because the mom down the street has colour coordinated lunches for what their children are wearing does not mean you should. Heck I wouldn’t advise it. That sounds like a lot of work. I tell my friends that as long as my kids are happy fed and enjoying life the dirty floor can wait. The dishes can wait until the kids are in bed. My babies are only little for so long, and I’m going to enjoy it. I don’t want my dying regrets to be I wish I spent more time with my kids. So this is me going out and making and effort to stop feeling guilty embracing my choices and spend more time focused on us and our lives and less about why I’m not the perfect mom. I’m a work in progress!